BPDFamily.com

Been in and out of here for a few years. I was strong enough to move away from the witch whom I hated... . noticed the " Ed" at the end of hate? Well , she fell for the millionth time and my dad finally had the strength to refuse to bring the monster home from rehab. He,  at 93 said he just couldn't care for her anymore... . she was mean, hateful, screamed, raged, ranted, threw things at everyone and he couldn't handled her anymore. She lasted two month in rehab before she dropped dead. Just like that... . I swear they must have killed her she was such a miserable human being... . kidding!

All the years of being told how I should make up with her for my own good was the stupidest advice I was ever given. I was told I would told Id have all kinds of regrets if I didn't make amends with her... . um, she owed me many many apologies, not the other way around,

So when she died, I felt nothing but relief. I'm so glad I never have to deal with her again.

I am right there with you kcobain. For years I'd ask myself, But what are you going to feel once she's really gone (I had health concerns that made me certain at times she'd outlive me)? I wondered if I'd just cringe with regrets or be relieved.

It's the latter. It's eternal freedom from the incessant unrelenting urges she had to control and fume and spread her misery. Up to the very month she died she tried to use the phone again. Nursing home situation from what I understand, I guess a kind nurse was maybe helping her, but the venom directed at my youngest who didn't know the number on Caller ID - it was the proof I needed that I did the right thing many many years ago.

Once word spread via Facebook, as no one in the FOO made an attempt to contact me or my children and rightly so - that was what they did and I actually didn't need any further bulls**t if you'll pardon the expression but it is what it is - that entire afternoon, which was sunny and warm and pleasant, I sat outside and just soaked in the awareness that it was all finally done. For her as well. The only way you can make other humans so totally miserable in your presence and from any contact with you is to be hugely damaged and hurting and vengeful. Not a way to live out a life.

So she's done. It's done. It being this entire lifetime of heartache attached to the very thought of her.

And she didn't outlive me. Honestly, in '12 I was sure it was going to happen with a stroke that was the worst event yet. Here I am, meds still doing their job, breathing in and out.

Your thought about how she owed you apologies not the other way around - how true. Yet never would've happened ever, right? anyone who holds out or hopes for apologies is suffering extra because that will always be an unrealized expectation if it's really BPD.

Only in our world would any of us grasp the relief of knowing a parent has passed. Your last sentence is what I kept saying that day over and over : "Never again, I never have to deal with her again," word for word.

Be safe.