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Well, I figured I would give you all an update as to what the heck was going on... . I was minding my own business, actually I was watching stuff on Youtube tonight and lo and behold I got a text from her... . --> my former fiance reaching out to me and wishing me a happy chinese new year. I wrote back and told her the same and that I missed her and haven't heard back from her.

I don't know what to do or how to feel. I feel such a flurry of emotions right now. I feel like wow do I know her that well? and then another part of me is wondering what is going to happen from here on out. I was telling all of my friends that I can expect to hear from her soon, because I knew her temporary therapist was leaving soon, and two, my mom will be leaving soon. If this is supposed to be the last I hear of her, I can tell you right now. I know its definitely not. I have a feeling(so far they have been all right and dead on accurate for that matter) that I will hear again from her around my birthday and then again around the time my mom is gone again. I wish I could exactly decipher how I am feeling right now. I know its normal to be conflicted, but I hate it. I just wish I could shut my heart down and not feel as I do sometimes.

Help... . I really don't know... .

MGL

I'm not surprised by her not responding. All she wanted to know is if she still has you on the hook or not. When you said you still miss her, that's all she needed.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you missing your ex. I still miss mine at times. It's just that when you make yourself vulnerable to them, it puts them in control and that's not going to benefit you.

It's good that this happened. You had to test the water and now you know how it is. Adapt.

When you say you miss her, what does that mean to you?

Which feelings do you need to decipher? And why?

That conflicted feeling goes completely away when you decide exactly what it is that you want. Sure, it's pretty normal to have residual feelings. I miss what I had sometimes but when I look at the bigger picture and see the ex as a whole person and not split the good from the bad... . Well... . Not so much. I don't want that. Sorry I had that. Only thing left of my feelings for her is a tiny bit of regret.

Honestly, I don't think it's her that I miss. I think it's the idea of her. She's not the same in real life as she is in my ruminations.

I think the feelings I need to decipher are disappointment and resentment. I am disappointed that our relationship didn't progress the way I'd hoped it would. I think I resent her for it. It seems like it all should have been so easy. It's frustrating that she just wasn't with it. I guess for her it couldn't have been easy though because she's mentally disturbed. She really had me fooled there for awhile. I think I feel like a sucker.  

^^ I could have written every word, been feeling that way too.

Except in real life, she's both better and worse than in my ruminations.

Mgl210, as the OP, I'm wondering how you would respond to those questions?

Honestly, I miss the good times that she and I had. The times we could laugh and actually have a good honest conversation without any arguing. They were rare and few and far between,but that is genuinely what I miss.  For example, we would be doing just fine, and then without a warning, it could be turned into a big scale argument. Like one case that pops into my mind is when I asked her to assist me in cleaning my house(she was living with me for a time). She kept promising me day in and day out that she would help, but then I would come home and nothing would be done. I mean, no food on the table(she doesn't know how to cook) and no cleaning. if anything there was just a bigger mess waiting for me to tackle.

I understand about the hook thing. Its just really painful. If I said that this was the last time she would contact me, I know it definitely isn't going to be the last...

MGl