BPDFamily.com

I am separated from my Bpd wife and have basically gone NC... . going on 1 month now

I'm not sure why this triggers me but I have received 2 emails since (I have her blocked on social media, text and phone) ... . both of them basically abstract statements about filing taxes.

I just hate the fact that she thinks she can just expect me to answer her...

I guess I don't know why this bothers me... .

Is it just the curt ness of it?

We were together for 4 years, married for 2... . No children between us... . no shared home

I'm wondering why I'm so triggered

I guess I will have to expect this until we are finally divorced

The last few times we broke up/recycled she had no real replacement... . this time she cheated before she left me so obviously she's not suffering AS MUCH so she just shoots out these random emails and expects an answer ASAP

Sorry. Just venting... . and so trying to work through this!

Anyone been here before with this?

I remember the tax time when going through a divorce and I remember being frustrated too... . unfortunately, right now, you will have to deal with this.  What I found worked best was to be proactive in setting the agenda/expectations.


It is probably everything, I don't know about you - but I didn't get married to end in divorce... . all of the BS that led to this point, dealing with anything felt like a punch in the stomach.


yeah, the entire process is triggering.  I found it hard to accept the time wasted, etc... . pushes buttons in us all.  Be kind to you.


Entitlement is standard BPD procedure in the divorce process - as much as it sucks, try not to take it personally (yes, I do know way harder to do).

Boundaries, communication style - both can help your divorce process be smoother - definitely vent here as needed.  If I were in your shoes (and I was a few years ago), write out a clear email with clear expectations - nothing personal - post it here if you want review - and send it to her; then you don't have to deal with any other emails and you can simply do your part.  One thing that helps is to give her the illusion of control - like talking to a 3 year old... . what works best A or B statements.

The other option is to let your attorney handle it all - that can be costly $

Hang in there,

SB

Yes, if you are still married. The taxes are important and could bite you later.

Even when you are divorced sometimes there is mess to clean up tax wise, so weigh your options carefully.

L

Thanks Seeking balance... .

Great advice... .

I tried to be proactive after the first email... . set the tone ... . and gain some control... . set boundaries if you will... .

Told her I would get back... . she gave me a few days then basically told me what SHE  was doing... . I didn't respond

It is a difficult place to be... . With a pending divorce and taxes... .

I've consulted my accountant and feel comfortable with that end of it...

The divorce on the other hand will be an ordeal of and in itself... .

I am hoping to be extremely proactive with that... . consulting my attorney this week and am preparing to dot my I s and cross my T s.

Drafting a letter and having it here for a review sounds good

... . and you're right ... . I never went into this marriage and planned for this outcome

Ugh

So like a HUGE. Punch in the gut!

I know this sucks, trust me I remember all to well... . have you read Splitting by Bill Eddy yet?

No I haven't... . but I've also read mixed reviews on it?

I take it you'd still recommend the read?   Was it helpful to you?

I'm just praying I get out of this with minimal damage... . wishful thinking maybe?

We don't / didn't share much jointly... . just a co signed car loan and I'm kicking myself about that now... . such a stupid decision... .

I was blinded and wanted to HELP her out... . so ridiculous that I put myself on the hook...

I am a reader - I like to understand things; Bill Eddy clearly points out the legal system and how it plays into PD's... . having knowledge was power for me.

I strongly suggest you get an attorney... . I dragged my feet about 4 months thinking I could "handle" it.  I also had our MC involved; but the disorder... . BPD - it tends to win.

I am definately consulting/hiring an attorney ... .

I thought I could do it too... . but I really have to be careful with her... . and she definately doesn't know or respect boundaries

Thanks