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Just food for thought:

It failed, the realtionship failed, it didn't work out the way either of us had hoped it would.  Regardless of where or how I point the finger, we just weren't happy anymore.

there was no compromise.

there was no rational thoughts.

there was no miracle waiting to happen or dream come true.

Once the mask came off, the dysfunction was all over and all around so fast, I was sinking with too!

Failing is okay, especially when you learn from it.  I learned a lot through this realtionship as short lived as it was.  I think the most hurt comes from the hope I had for a brief period of time, that I found that person, my other half so to say... . but it wasn't, it only appeared to be.  There no blaming in that, not on my part atleast.

But through the failure, I am that much more in tune with myself.  What I want, what I don't want.  What I will accept and what I won't.  As strange as it may sound, maybe I needed this to get I am going now?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

Thank you for posting this. Really well said. Sometimes what may seem as a failure to us at one point in time could actually open the door to a great success down the road.

Failed BPD relationships are not failures. Successfully escaping them is a triumph

We respect ourselves more now!

Its like the lessons we should have learned as a child We got to learn the hard way here. Truly we should be grateful to be shaken up by this relationship... . i needed it. Boundaries! Self respect, courage... . Just a few things developed by this... . still miss her though

couldnt agree more!

I couldn't agree more!

I have filed this under "The lessons learned the best were the ones that hurt the most"

Just had a 90 minute T session where this subject was front and center.  The irrational behavior during the r/s, the amount of covert and overt emotional abuse and the lack of "normal" closure really had me spinning when I left the r/s.  "It is what it is"!  The r/s didn't work and I am now accepting that it couldn't have worked in a way that was fulfilling and healthy for me.  I'm on the other side of it now - able to breathe, heal, grow and love again.  I now move forward with a ton of gained wisdom.  In the words of Ed Roland of Collective Soul on "Better Now":

"Oh I'm happy as Christmas

All wrapped to be seen

I'm your recent acquisition

Time to celebrate me"

Dude i completely agree with you Author. Went through a BPD breakup recently and as much as it hurt and how much i miss her, i am still glad i am out. I as not happy in the relationship, i was putting an effort into the r/s. But you are right this is a lesson to be learned. Watch out for "easy" people, and don't try to make a slut your girlfriend.

But i feel like i am a better person now after the r/s as opposed to my ex who i feel is regressing back to her teenage self, trying to impress guys, get their attention, fvck them then fvck them over.

And i like what the other posts said about successfully escaping. I miss the crazy sex but not enough to go back. The sex is not worth all the bullhit that comes.

But thanks to her i finally have a slutty bhity ex gf that everyone seems to have. And since i have had what i think the worse r/s ever. any girl after her will be a step up

I was just reflecting on how the hardest part of the realization that it's over is that I failed at the thing hat I worked the hardest at in my life.  At the same time, that admission is freeing. It allows me to to begin to focus and apply my energy more freely to the gratitude and growth that is taking place, even as I write this. I am still sharing our home with my BPD H of 21+ years! but my heart is out and my head is working on a plan. It is time for me to embrace and share my gifts outside of this dark cave... . In a place where they will be accepted, not judged, challenged and repressed. Thanks again for the insight.

Landslide

Welcome to BPDF.  Thank you for joining us.

Unfortunately, not all broken things in life can be "fixed"... . BPD is one of them.  We try our hardest to do the best we can for as long as we can (with little or no help from our BPD loved ones).  That is NOT failure.  We give it our all, until we finally realize this is a battle with no victory for anyone. This is mental illness at its worst.

It is time to focus on your needs and those of your children.  You are a very strong woman, and I suspect with time, you will not just survive, but move on to the amazing life you deserve.

Yes, so true!  |iiii

Thank you, tolou, for sharing this!

thanks surnia... .

landslide, it's a hard journey, can't imagine how long you have been in that cave but there light when you get, it's always been there we just deprive ourselves of it because of what we think were worth or worthy of, when in fact, your priceless! Welcome