BPDFamily.com

If your BPD in your life cheated on you, was there a change in there behavior like a melt down or anything?  My ex, when with her, she was on a biz trip, it was a time a she called me crying, and telling me how she wanted to harm herself, and just really in a bad state, and how bad of a person she was, and she don't deserve me, and this was out the blue, of course I was a little apprehensive about her going on this trip anyway, with this male coworker she works closely with, but this was before knowing about BPD, and it wasn't the two of them, other people she worked with went, but when she called me, I had this extremely bad gut feeling, the whole time she is balling, that she had cheated on me, but she never said it. About a month, before we broke up, and about 3 months after this incident, she told me she had something to tell me, she said he tried to rape her that time she called me, I call bs, even though I didn't say this, I believe she slept with him and just felt bad, I asked her what had happened, and asked her if she slept with him, she paused, then finally said no, but ended the relationship the next month, sometimes in your gut you just know, and I believe she knew that I knew, and probably had some sort of shame for it, and couldn't deal with out r/s anymore, and I assume that's who end up being my replacement, has anyone else had a similiar situation? When I look back on it, that trip was the beginning of the end, she was very distant after that trip.

Mine changed differently. He always became cocky and treated me like crap. He was getting his ego fed elsewhere so screw me. 

My ex began accusing me of cheating a few months before the relationship imploded.  Turns out, she started cheating on me a few months before the relationship imploded.

My ex was definitely sleeping with my replacement (a long-time friend) before our second last split. She seemed so angry and hurtful towards me but that was likely her self-loathing at her own promiscuous behaviour. Whether she had cheated with him throughout our dead relationship, I don't know. I would not be at all surprised because she seemingly so happy with me at the beginning and seemed to gradually get more and more distant and less joyful.

Having been with her for over four years, I can see how this cycle of being put on a pedestal then disvalued can continue indefinitely (or until she gets a serious STD).

I received an anonymous email at work that my husband was looking at other women and talking badly about me, when things were at their worst between he and I.

I still have no idea who sent that email. Based on the way my ex-husband was behaving at the time... which was raging and then silent treatment, I've no doubt that he was up to something? However... .

He was engaged just a few weeks after our divorce, so yes, I do believe he was cheating on me, something I never believed he was capable of.

Just another horrible character flaw I have to accept about him. He really is a sick person. He is not the person I thought he was.

L

Yes my feelings EXACTLY!  My uBPDxw is a very SICK person. The person I loved never really existed.

She was different than most of what is described in this thread. My uBPDxw was a Chameleon. She was the MASTER of lies and deception. I was married for 18yrs and had NO Idea of the double life she was leading. I didn't find out till after she left that she was promiscuous and running around our entire marriage. In the end she got bold and took more risks and I eventually caught her in bed with family best friend across the street.

Now that I look back (hindsight really is 20/20) It's scary the way she acted while having these affairs. All the boldface lies to everyone around her to pull of the affairs. It makes my head spin to think off all the calculating that must have went on in her head just to keep her stories straight to all the people she lied to. It's all very sick, pathetic and sad though as her kingdom of lies is now falling down all around her. Myself, my family,her family have all talked to each other and compared notes on all the lies she told, mainly about Me (abusing her) and her way of justifying her promiscuous ways. She has now isolated herself from everyone because she is afraid to face all the people she lied to. She is now in an emotional bunker with my neighbor afraid to come out and face up to the truth. Part of me actually feels a little sorry for my neighbor (new r/s victim). She has him under her spell (lies about me and her family) that he believes she is this poor victim that he needs to rescue. For his sake, and his kids, I hope it doesn't take him 18yrs to come out of the FOG!

I never met ANYONE that is such an EXPERT at lying and MANIPULATION. It's scary!

Yes they cheat and lie to soothe their crazy but it has nothing to do with us.

Their behaviors are a sign of their deep self - loathing and inner hatred that comes from their emotionally stunted wiring. I know the lies and deception hurt us but you better believe that the karma they summon for themselves is real. BPD isn't a get out of hail free card; it's a lot of suffering... . suffering that they bring on to themselves. Their shoes are not to be envied because their shoes are full of punishment as it comes with the guilt and shame that haunts their minds.

In the beginning I used to feel so low about being cheated on because I connected the actions of a sick person to my worth. It triggered my abandonment pain and feelings of unlovable ness but as time went on the healing from this perspective had given me a great blessing. In time you will see that love cannot come from a person who doesn't love themselves and that a sick person cannot validate you.

Spell

thank you for this post spell. it sums up so much so clearly.

My cheating live-in girlfriend was acting remorseful right before I left. She started folding my clothes again and was nicer to me. I was too hurt and had to leave to protect myself.

But you are right BPDspell, a sick person cannot validate you. I feel guilty for ignoring her as I didn't understand her. Not I just want to save her, but she is still with my replacement. Good posts. Thanks.

Hmmm... . thats interesting

I always found my ex to b especially loving and generous bfore i found out the shoe was gonna drop