BPDFamily.com

Things have been horrible as some of you know for me.  I do not know what to do anymore.

Last night there was a mild break and I brought home dinner after work.  She only cooks once a month maybe while just cleaning part time while I am working two jobs, essentially, but I am ok with that.  She had been laying laminate in a bedroom to save us money in a bedroom.  Of course, it is odd because she wants us to move, but we cannot move because she went over budget nearly $22k on remodeling our bathroom and torched my credit cards.   She still keeps remodeling though... anyways, I bring home food and we all sit to eat.  It is about 8:00 pm.  she finishes eating and says she is going to bed cause she is tired.  I am still eating and am still hungry.  I help gets get to bed and eat some more, at 9:15 pm when I am about completed eating she comes out angry asking me if I had planned on spending any time with her.  I had a feeling this would happen, but I had not eaten all day long and was hungry.  I come up and we talk, but she is on sleeping pills, gets upset and after about 30 minutes we go to bed

At 4 AM she wakes up not feeling well, and is angry again.  We talk and I get her some medicine for an hour.  This is fine, normally, but I am nervous because today my business is having an audit by a forensic accountant.  I handle the books and while I am not hiding anything, the system I am working with is not the best equipped and I am worried that something might be wrong.  If this turns out badly this could ruin not just my career, but my family's 3 generation business, the employees and their families, and my family. 

I go into work at 8 am and my wife just calls me upset about how I never have time for lunch or make her feel special, and I only make her feel ignorant.  I really do try.  I am scared to death around holidays and just flat out ask her what she wants because nothing I ever get is good enough.  Nothing.  I will spends $800 on a night out and present etc.  Its always wrong.  Lunch is hard.  I have to work alot I admit, but she does not have a full time job and money is tight always.  We went from no debt to $35k in one year last year when I let loose some. 

As she got angry, I asked her to please dont hammer on me today, that I gotta be mentally focused.

She said "hit you, your business, and your family"  "i never want to hear from you again, get your stuff today and move out"

Was i wrong?  I didnt want to hurt her or upset, I was just scared because today is serious and I have already been crying today.

What do I do?

if i go, she is alone and kids are alone with her.  They have no income, I cannot afford to keep her afloat and then start a new home.  I love her, I love her kids.  It is almost like I save myself and sacrifice them or try to save them which seems impossible now. 

I have no where to go.  No friends, my only family in town is my mother and my wife HATES my mother saying she is a major cause for all of this.  I cannot go there and make it look like im siding with her

am i at fault?  what could have done differently?  I want to be a good husband so badly.  I cannot differentiate what is right and not despite therapy.