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You think this is mirroring?

I am an avid runner and do triathlons. When I was in a r/s with my exgf, she hated running…hated it. She did bike a lot though. At the end of our r/s, she started running. Made me run with her, which was painful cause she is so flippin slow. She would rant and rave if I was too far in front of her, behind her, or beside her…….really ruined my training.

Now we’re out of r/s for about 4.5 months. And she’s doing all this running, biking, and swimming. Posts it all over her FB so everyone can see.

What do ya’ll think?

She's stealing your thunder!

My wife goes to great lengths to show her friends how happy she is. She has always cared more about what others see in our relationship, then what I see. She will always have the need to keep the fantasy going.

My understanding is that people with BPD (pwBPD) "mirror" as a means of seducing whomever it is they mean to seduce.  It's a behavior that particularly suits them because of their lack of identity; if you don't know *who* you are, then you don't particularly mind taking on traits of other people.

Also, "mirroring" other people, or taking on the personality traits of other people serves as camouflage so that other people don't notice that you don't seem to have a fixed personality or identity.  To the typical acquaintance, you just seem to have a lot of differing interests that change a lot over the years.

You might be the only person that she has ever expressed that she "hated running... . " For all you know that was the preference of the person to whom she was attached before you.  And so you are the only person to notice that at one time she "hated" running and now she is an avid runner.  You are perhaps the only person to notice this particular inconsistency in her preferences.  I would guess that if you had more and more such puzzle pieces, you might come to the conclusion that she does not have a "fixed" personality, but rather one that changes and morphs over time to suit whatever situation she finds herself.

My 2 bits, Schwing

Perf... . yes she is stealing my thunder for sure. I guess. I just do my own thing, even though I will probably run into her at some point during a race.

As far as her putting it on FB, its a "look at me, look at me" type of thing. Always has to be noticed, acknowledged.

maybe - but many people take up hobbies of partners, mirroring in BPD is more about attaching.

Remember this is an attachment issue.


The fact she was active anyways doesn't really make me think this was intentionally manipulative.  But that is only my 2 cents.


Well, I suppose you should look in the mirror about your own boundary issues on this one - this is about you not her.  My good friend is an elite ironman (woman)... . she certainly doesn't give up her training schedule even to her boyfriend who is a triathelete but not at her pace.  BOUNDARIES.


I think she is doing what a lot of people do - post their life so folks don't really know how lonely they are.  If this is bothering you, why are you looking?

State - I can appreciate you wondering about mirroring; based on the definition as it relates to BPD, it is hard to know if this was happening with her - but there are definitely some red flags for you to work on you with... . this is good, we can only change us  :light: