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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: kft on February 06, 2014, 12:31:26 PM



Title: Coasting By
Post by: kft on February 06, 2014, 12:31:26 PM
Does anyone else deal with depression when pwBPD is able to continuously coast through life: narrowing avoiding rock bottom and yet never really making significant steps forward?

Then I feel bad about feeling depressed because it's not as if I WANT him to suffer. It's just there are so many time bombs in his current arrangement. Even once I removed myself from the fallout zone, I hate waiting for everything to go to hell again.


Title: Re: Coasting By
Post by: an0ught on February 07, 2014, 02:27:57 PM
Does anyone else deal with depression when pwBPD is able to continuously coast through life: narrowing avoiding rock bottom and yet never really making significant steps forward?

It can be frustrating. BPD is a complex condition. Hitting rock bottom won't fix anything in the sense that it leads to a significant step forward. Progress for a pwBPD is gradual and sometimes goes through confusing phases. It is not driven by insight but by acquiring regulation skills. That takes time and practice.

One feels quite helpless being an observer and often on the receiving end of a fallout. Still with some emotional reading skill build up by validating the pwBPD and good boundary skills we can more easily see when things fall apart and take precautions in advance. Knowing what to say when and being able to head of some disasters allows us to feel safer and relax more. Also that takes learning and practice and won't happen in a few weeks. The quickest impact from our side has avoiding invalidation.

The dynamic of BPD is driven by many factors. That is why it took so long to figure out a working therapy. Every single aspect is highly individual and confusing. No single change will have much impact. But together they do.


Title: Re: Coasting By
Post by: kft on February 07, 2014, 03:22:33 PM
It can be frustrating. BPD is a complex condition. Hitting rock bottom won't fix anything in the sense that it leads to a significant step forward. Progress for a pwBPD is gradual and sometimes goes through confusing phases. It is not driven by insight but by acquiring regulation skills. That takes time and practice.

I think you and I have very different ideas of what a "significant step forward" is. I want him to become receptive to the idea of skill building (ideally with DBT). I can deal with everything else. After all my brother tried to kill me when I was 21 ... . the BPD silent treatment kind of pales in comparison  

But he's not really skills building, he's hiding under the assumption that this elaborate system of vitamins and herbs he's concocted through trial and error is making his mood swings more manageable. Nonsense. But there's no way he'll see that if he continues to escape the full consequences of his decisions. Which is depressing.