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Title: heartbroken Post by: mama m on February 06, 2014, 05:09:15 PM More I pull away. The meaner they become. The more they use other relationships to try and pressure me to be apart of the 'fold'.
I know I don't want this. I KNOW THAT. I want out. But it hurts so badly to have family and friends turn against me because I'm... . "hurting them(MIL)". I'm a horrible person for doing such unthinkable things. I keep on remind myself staying isn't an option. It would be to loose my soul. My heart is breaking. How do I ignore other peoples words and misunderstandings? How do I avoid arguing my side? (I know this is useless and just fuels the fire) How do I just shut off my ears, my heart... and continue walking forward... . my husband just keeps walking. why am I the one whose heart is breaking... . Title: Re: heartbroken Post by: P.F.Change on February 06, 2014, 07:10:18 PM Hi, mama m. Welcome back.
It sounds like you are still feeling frustrated with your husband's family. Understandable. There are tools here that might help you if you want to use them. When you say you want out and staying isn't an option, do you mean you want to stop having contact with them, or that you want out of your marriage? I am assuming the former. You do not have to let other people decide whether you feel like a good person. You can be a good person even when other people say you are not. Everyone needs boundaries, and it's a good idea to know where yours are. Have you had a look at BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence (https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries)? You might also be interested in How to stop circular arguments (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.0) and Arguing - don't engage (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=106107.0). There are some good tips there on how to resist the urge to argue. When you do need to communicate with your husband's family, this is a helpful tool: TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth (https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict) In fact, it is really helpful in all kinds of relationships. Are you still talking with a therapist, mama m? How are your children? Wishing you peace, PF |