BPDFamily.com

I just wanted to post this to let other members who are really suffering like I was a few months ago know that there is hope.

It's now been 4 months since I saw uBPD/narc ex and found out he had been cheating on  me and moved in with another woman when he disappeared(in a hail of superior and contemptuous text messages) and ignored my pregnancy in May last year- and a termination I went through on my own. :'(

I tried the 'forgive and be friends' thing after that, while refusing to go back to him (he popped up in August and immediatelly began begging and commanding me to go back to him!  ) because forgiveness is something I always want (duh)... . and suffice to say because of my own conflicted feelings and his (let's be frank) craziness, it did not work.

I didn't maintain NC very well, and in fact have only been fully NC for about a week. I called him to say sorry for my part in it all. Wanted to clear the slate. His response was to delete me from skype and issue a 10 minute diatribe about my moral evil and emotional stupidity, and to urge me to 'seek wisdom'  :)

That was really closure, actually. The penny dropped: he is bonkers! He will never change! His levels of hypocrisy, arrogance and paranoia are simply sky high. There is nothing redeemable here, and no one I even want to be friends with. I still feel sorry for him and remember the good side, which seems to have shrunk considerably  :)

Out of the FOG and also (in my case) the blinding sexual attraction (which I think was Stockholm Syndrome) it is so much easier to see it.,

Yes, I have had problems with depression and anger and done stupid things in the r/s but there were reasons... . many good reasons... . and sorry, I am simply not the crazy psycho narc bhit he calls me. No way. He, the two-timer and liar, even accused ME last week of 'multiple affairs'... . ! The projection was so much more obvious than it has ever been.

And what was great was that although I'd still like him to say sorry, to justfy myself finally, to be recognised as the person who did way too much for him and got ___ on... . it matters so much less now, because i know my own truth at last.

I am not perfect, but I didn't deserve what he did... . and I am  not responsible for it.

I was in agony over the summer, coudlnt' eat or sleep felt I was falling apart from the inside. I am still hurt, I still feel pain over it all and deep regret at the waste of my energy, the abuse I took and took. But it is BETTER. And it will get better for you too. There is life after BPD!

THANKYOU all for the support and wisdom. I must become a financial supporter... . :) this forum has been invaluable.

xx 

I wish i could feel like this.  I know my ex is seriously unwell, but she's also been cruel at times (on purpose, whilst she 'pretends' to not mean to hurt me).  Would love to forget about her. 

He left you while you were pregnant, and has the GAUL to lecture you on morals! :)

Im glad youve come to this realisation delusional,

Remember this moment.

This realisation will comfort you in the future.

|iiii

Recycled, he is the most hypocritical person I have ever met.

I call him the High Priest when he lectures me on morality. It is the most deeply unattractive way I have ever heard another human being talk.

a month ago this guy was saying 'sorry sorry sorry' to me - but with no detail- just wanted me back I think so that he could prove he has done nothing wrong.

I am really seeing how this is a shame-based disorder. His reaction to shame is to blast it right back at the person he has abused. Now that I have refused all his advances and am no further use to him, he can start with the moral lectures and total black-painting again.

One thing that made me laugh- they always leave the door open right? Even to morally inferior abusers like us :D He said something like 'you need to think about yourself morally and when you have done so, if you still want to be my friend or lover or partner, get back to me then' 

Diamond your story is a lot fresher than mine isn't it- as in you are very recently out of the r/s?

Time really heals, but this phone call really did me a favour. Hearing the HILARIOUS nonsense he was speaking- and not reacting myself. I just said, yes, sure, yes, sure. With an exception when he accused me of 'multiple affairs' (projection with a side of paranoia anyone?  ) cos I just won't hear that bull___ any more from his mouth.

Bahaha, the high preist ! I used to call mine, the doctor!, when hed start a rant in my head id be saying " the doctor is in, he will see you now"

Hypocritical to the extreme D, the ex told his family I was physically abusing him when of course it was the other way around, meh all I can do is laugh!

Yes the ol leaving the door open trick!

Slap youself man! Slam the friggin door !

Look up Sam Vaknin on youtube, " the narccisist reidealises discarded sources of supply"

Its truly accurate and eyeopening... .

It really isint about me or you at all.

Take care D