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I have been dreading these upcoming weeks.  It's VD day this weekend, but if the fates allow I will be out of town at a conference (weather permitting).  I have been heartsickened  about having to get her a card or a gift.

We already had to celebrate her half-birthday (a phenomenon of summer kids birthdays not being celebrated during school) last weekend.  We went to a Japanese steakhouse and the kids really enjoyed the show.  I took pictures but haven't posted them yet on FB.  It's all a façade.

Then here is Valentine's day.  We are seriously broke and last night she delivered homemade paperweights for me and the kids.  Whatever pressure I was feeling quadrupled.

I had to make a Costco run today in advance of the storm and came across the solution: a set of utility lighters.  It's actually her kind of geeky thing and it cost less than the case of diet coke I bought.  I gave it to her tonight.

I am full of remorse and sadness about having to constantly fake it.  The county schools and my job are closed in advance of the storm for the next two days.  I wish I could go to work, because the storm here is so much worse... . "what do you mean you didn't understand I have to wash my favorite cookie jar again because I told you the kitchen needed to be cleaned up how many weeks ago?"  Why is the clock sitting on the table and you know I asked you WEEKS AGO that the cat litter box needed to stay arranged like I put it.!"  All in front of the kids, who promptly ran the heck away from us again.  I think she is slipping back again into uber-BPD.

I gotta play it cool since we will be snowed in for two days at least.  I know arguing does nothing deflect her verbal shrapnel, her incessant bombing, and her drawing and quarteting my soul and psyche.  I don't have enough skills to keep her contained.

Of course our wedding anniversary is coming up next month, so I feel like I am riding the roller coaster of despair straight into hades.  I feel like a falling star, and I don't want to dissipate.

I don't want her to be my valentine anymore.  My heart is like a wheel that is bent  and it can't be mended.

Gary, that sounds exactly like my ex, and how she would devalue me in front of my son.

It sucks and I know how you feel.

Any way you can shovel a big hole in all that snow and leave her there?

I mean, figuratively speaking, of course

Arn:  Great Idea.  But unfortunately as Mother Nature would have it, we dodged the snow today.  Everything is still closed, so there was no choice but to set upon working " the kitchen cleanup" she has told me was overdue for at least two weeks.  We are halfway done putting things away that need my "immediate attention" for the last two years.

After lunch she got tired, so I took advantage of some free time with the kids.  Since it is raining today, I decided we would go out for a walk. She hates to exercise anyhow, so she went back up to bed.

So the kids and I  all went out for a walk with our individual umbrellas: green, orange, pink and blue.   I took funny pictures of them as we enjoyed getting out in the fresh air, and posted them.  It was  a good, calm, funny moment for all involved.

That sounds like a good time out, gary seven. Painted a colorful picture in my mind!