BPDFamily.com

Scrolling through some old pictures of mine on Facebook(not looking for anything related to her), I have noticed(quick glance) that her profile picture shows in comments(she used to comment a lot on my stuff). The picture is an old one of her and did not trigger me this time. With me being unblocked now, makes me wonder if I will be re engaged again. With Valentine's Day tomorrow, I am wondering if her cyclic behavior will lead her back in my direction. I am of the mind that a pwBPD simply does not "move on" as is repeatedly referenced on here(a pwNPD would be more predisposed to such behavior). For me to know that I am healing correctly, I would have to successfully rebuff a re engagement attempt.

LOL

I knew rejoining facebook was the beginning of the end for you.

Don't get sucked back in!

 Actually, I have stayed the course. I haven't done anything that would warrant breaking NC.

Hello Gentlemen,

I don't know if they "move on" either.  I read the opposite of love is not hate but indifference which explains why they don't move on so easily.  I have been broken up with her for a little over three months and she has since recycled her ex.  My gut says she re-engages (probably influenced by my readings on here) but my head says there is no way she does.  Sorry not trying to turn it to me but I get your curiosity.

OK Ironman... . To strange.  I was thinking about this site yesterday and who would be the next to get contacted.  Your name came up first! Too strange.

I have never thought that my ex would ever contact me again.  It would be hard for me if I actually thought she would try to recycle.  It would be shocking to me if I heard from her, especially after 5 months.  

The re engagements are a common theme on here. Even years, decades too, it has been reported on here of re engagements. I guess I will have to steel myself for that possibility. She has returned before, it would only make sense for that to continue. I have never been out this long without any contact whatsoever(7 months NC now).

How will you react if she makes contact?

Ironman! Hi buddy, how's you been? Facebook again? What's stopping you from blocking her? Every since that little pwBPD ripped my heart out and held it up to my eyes until it stopped bleeding and then took a massive dump right into the hole where it used to be, I haven't had a single problem with her!

I will try and ignore it to the best of my ability. If not, I will rip her a new one. I still have a lot of anger within.


Hey Perfidy! I have been slowly healing, doing my artwork and looking for another job(I have an interview tomorrow). I didn't want to click on her profile to do so and have no desire to actually look at it(no facebook/instagram snooping from side at all since I have returned to social media). I learned after round 1 discard and in 3 months of devaluation in round 2, to not look at her stuff. I do not want to know what is displayed there.

That is my question too... . I would have no idea if mine unblocked me because as soon as I was blocked, I did some blocking of my own.

Ironman - slippery slope my friend and you have gained a lot of ground.  Take your power back - you can do it!

So that I am not tempted into actually clicking on her profile, I will have a co worker tomorrow(after my interview) do the delicate task of blocking her for me. I have regained a lot of my power in all this time, my ruminations have decreased significantly. I don't view her as a person I can "save" anymore. Just someone who can no longer be allowed within my sphere.

dangerous spot to be in!

I know Maxen. I am not fully detached, but am more so at least in comparison to after she left me for round 1. Maybe the length of time and being on this forum with you fine folks and really digesting a lot of this radically hard to accept, radical acceptance, has put me on a stronger platform to resist falling back down that spiral of hell.

Wise move - you deserve to keep the ground you have made... . hard work on your part and it would be hard to see you slip backwards after watching how far you have come  |iiii

very sensible to get her blocked by a co worker Ironfella.

I'm not on facebook because I bleedin hate the thing. But it does make me chuckle a little that it's the ultimate tool for tracking an ex (even more so for pwBPD) and I just don't exist on there!  :)

The only way to know what I'm up to is knock on my door & ask me. There's no way she's got the balls for that due to the fear of rejection.

No Facebook makes me feel much much safer. and, I suspect you have felt more vulnerable since firing your Facebook back up?

Agreed. Nail it shut, use some super glue, and don't look back. You're getting there!

I have felt more vulnerable since I have returned on it, and Instagram as well. She did track me on it in NC period between rounds 1 and 2. Is she doing that now since I have returned(perhaps through fake accounts/friends)? A high probability. For her not to do so would be going against her ingrained behavior.

My desire for reaching out to her, breaking NC, is near nil.

Me & you both know the crack with this stuff. Both been through the recycle pattern & know their patterns. (and if we're honest, our own patterns too).

Best predictor of future behavior, is past, and all that stuff.

If you're seeing history repeat itself at this point. I'd consider what happened next, may repeat itself too.

It took 2 rounds for me to fully see the horrific folly in allowing such a person back into my life. I honestly thought I could help her in round 2(although a part of me knew that it was hopeless after what I had already read on this forum at that time). Now, the best thing is to keep such a person away. I see her now as a deeply wounded and dangerous person to my well being.

So glad to hear you are healed enough to resume your artwork IMF!  That's your own therapy and progress... . yay!

Several of our friends on this board are worried about you should a re-engagement attempt be made, but honestly I am not. Through following your progress over the last several months, I have NO DOUBT that you know what you're doing, and I think you're doing amazingly well... . another yay!

when we were together my ex was hardly interested in my activities on facebook, now that we've split up (more or less trying to staying friends) he suddenly "likes" every move I make and I know he checks all the activities I'm planning, so I no longer do that on FB... .

also I noticed that he send a friends request to my family members, which he didn't bother to do when we were together 

My guess is she unblocked you so she can creep your fb. I blocked mine for that exact reason. She cant see anything and I also am very careful how I post pics of the kids etc. I use fb to be transparent as a parent and show the activities we do and tag my kids (the ones that are old enough to be on fb) but make sure to block her relatives from seeing things I dont want her to see because she can see things from their profile.

Fb is like an extension to a BPD in the fact its just another way for them to reach to you (as in your case) and get space in your head. Thats just how they function and fb is merely a tool for them.

Block her and problem solved... . |iiii

I have recently been sent a friend request by one of my exUBPDgf cousins. At first, I didn't recognize who this friend request was from(no mutual friends). I decided to look into it. This person's profile is public. I start looking through the pictures to see if I recognize this person. I don't know who she is. I start looking at who liked the picture. I start noticing after a few pictures, the number of likes doesn't match the number of people shown(I start wondering is this her or one of the mutual friends I blocked). I keep looking through the pictures. Same trend. Every once and a while, I notice the likes not matching number of people shown and one picture with a comment and when i click on the picture to read the comment, it doesn't show and number of likes doesn't match number shown. I keep looking. I need to know who the this is. Finally, I see a name.One of the people who liked one of the pictures, is one of her very close guy cousins. I look at the last name and I look at the person's name who sent me friend request, and the last name was placed first and the first name was placed last. Bingo! It is her. My medusa. I have never met that person who sent the friend request, she doesn't know me at all. So why send that friend request? In the past, I would normally accept most people who sent me a friend request on facebook without really caring who it was(my exUBPDgf knows this). She thought I would have just accepted this person without a second thought and been privy to what I have been doing all this time(almost 8 months NC). Had I not looked into the matter, I would have not connected that this is almost a direct attempt by her via another person. A "feeler". Now I know that she is trying. Good move Medusa. It didn't work.

Ok, maybe I am showing my age here - but WHY do you accept someone as a friend giving them access to your world that you don't even know?

WHY even research it?  Simply click no

I honestly do not understand a culture of having "friends" that are not even people you have interacted with - sorry if this hurts your feelings in me asking, my niece does this too - maybe an age thing - but it looks like wanting the illusion of being liked at the expense of healthy boundaries.

I suppose I am in the minority on this, I really just don't understand.

Emotionally, how are you after finding out all this?

My immaturity before is why I would accept the requests. I have learned the hard way now, to no longer do that. I researched it because I needed to quell the wondering of who is that. Emotionally, I feel much better. It didn't rock me like before. :)

I hope you print this out because this is some real progress from where you were a few months ago!

Good job working so hard to get to this point - I do know you have struggled and stuck with it... .

Pat yourself on the back! |iiii

It's silly that they're even called "friends" on facebook.  They are actually editorial contributors to your online journal.  The word friend ends up watered down by that nonsense.

I will be stealing that phrase from you in the real world - golden  |iiii

  |iiii

I would not be surprised if a direct contact is just around the corner. Had this been many months ago after she first left, I would have been in a weakened position. Now, after many months have past, after much time spent on here, I am on a much firmer footing for that very possible scenario. 

Once you've crossed the threshold, and you have, there's no going back. 

Are you sure you've been unblocked? If I go far enough back on my timeline I can still see her comments, current FB name (she changes it... . o.O) & current profile pic. However, I can't click on it nor can I visit her profile. It's a bug in FB I guess.

IronmanRISES.

Absolutely.