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Im still trying to move on, not much hate for my uBPDexgf but no love either. I think back of all the things my ex would say or do, her logic, and how the smallest things set her off and it is funny. It is funny how childlike their behaviour is now. How she projected all her insecurities onto me when i know very well that those are her problems. In hindsight it is funny. Im still hurting but i am happy that i do not have to tolerate her BS, her mood swings, and her stupid decisions anymore.

Any of you feel the same?

Nope

I remembered an incident that happened in the past yesterday.  The BPDex and I were discussing another couple where she said "you have it so easy with me."  I laughed and said are you kidding me?  Your mood swings are crazy.  She paused and didn't respond, kind of like oh.  Had I known about projections then, I would have taken it as a compliment.

No,

What she did to me was emotionally damaging. 

Projection = nothing funny there. 

She wasn't a 'funny' person.  Just very pretty and very messed up.

no... not really either.

Not Even

    Funny isn't the word to describe anything the lying, using, cheating, violent, abusive skank did, no. Having said that, I see her for what she really is now, and the word is pathetic.

Not funny really I guess, but yet when I am telling my best girlfriends about things he does I do laugh like crazy…I mean hearing it out loud is funny.  Our latest recycle, I told him I just wanted to be normal like other couples, discuss life events, etc (he is like a 3 year old) At this point he was trying his hardest (this was his good week trying to get me back again) so he started just sending texts of every normal thing he was doing…and wasn't being sarcastic just absolutely clueless… His txt msg would be like, "Hi, Just had lunch then went to the bathroom to pee, scratched balls, now sitting here on a little break" and that went on and on, until he lost it again completely over one normal small thing that hurt him…then he was gone, again! The things he would do were so mean and hurtful, yet so stupid that its impossible to understand why I would even need to be here processing him.  ugh

Interesting that you'd ask this question.  My personal trainer, who admitted to our small training group that she had been diagnosed with BPD, is developing a play about a character called Erline.  As in bord-erline.  And she asked for any funny things that any of us had happen to us while in relationship with pwPD.  Now, seeing as how she was tremendously triggered whenever I started talking about my exbf and his distinctly borderline traits, I'm not sure how developing this play is going to be healthy for her.  To the point where I don't bring up much to her in many ways at this point- I just keep it simple and surface stuff.  She has written powerful and successful plays in the past, about other triggery stuff.  Maybe this is just MY trigger.  At least she is aware of some of her own ___, but it was such a weird request of her to make.  Now, I've been friends with this woman for over 10 years, and I see the patterns and behaviors.  One day she will think something is funny in class, and the next week she will chastize her students and make them feel bad.  She can't understand why her class enrollment drops to almost nothing.  I really have to be in a strong space to go to her class, because I feel like I never know what I'm going to get with her.

That being said, I have found nothing funny about my PD exbf or my PD baby daddy.  They have both done incredibly hurtful and damaging things to me me.   I'm so lonely all the time, although I don't mind being alone.  I wonder if I will ever be able to trust myself or another again.  

I wonder how she would feel if I wrote a piece for her new play, making it "funny" how she does the push/pull thing with her clients.  Complaining to the people who were paying her that not enough people are coming to class and she is going to cancel the class if we don't bring more people.  Jesus.  I go to class when I'm feeling the need to push myself physically, but I would rather go cross country skiing and not have to listen to her when she's all triggery.

I think humor can be part of a toolbox we have, a way of processing what happened to us.  And yes, I have had the experience of finding something funny when I've shared it with friends.  It wasn't funny when it happened, but there is something about relaying it to caring people in my life, the insanity of it all just hits us and sometimes laughing at how ludicrous it all is can be healing.  I think it may also help us detach some.

Nahhhhh, nothing even the least bit funny.

Funny... . no. She was vacant of humor.

This a really good topic. My ex gf use to say that all girls were crazy you just have to find the one that is least crazy. Now we are not together, I understand the whole sense of that sentence l

Yep, I bought my son a game on Playstation called Skyrim. I actually was hooked more than my son. Your character in the game could marry someone. Wel, she found out my character married someone in a VIDEO GAME and she wouldnt let it die for like months. She still brings it up years later... . whatever!

LMAO... . I laughed out loud!  coo coo!  Maybe you should get a t-shirt with your game wife's name on it.  Wear it when you see her again.

Yeah maybe i should have worded this differently. The things BPD have done to us are not funny, cruel would be a better word.

I guess what is funny though is the childlike attitude. It is funny how they think they can get away with lying and projecting, as if no one can catch on. It is funny what they would do for attention. Their child like behaviour is funny. She would talk about girls with crazy eyes when she had the craziest eyes in school. It is just funny how they contradict themselves. They say one thing but contradict themselves minutes later. It is also funny catching her in a lie.

Yeah at the same time these things caused many problems. But it is funny how most of them will continue to do these things and continue to ruin their relationships.

SOrry i know i sound cruel making fun of BPD but im trying to find a silver lining in all this, something to get me by.

BPD's have two sets of rules.  Those they live by and the rules they expect you to live by.  Mine would start a discussion with me in the morning and if I disagreed with his point his automatic response would be "There you go again, every morning, starting trouble."  In the last month we were together I would get up make coffee, bring him his cup and then go into the family room to watch the news. I then got accused of not being affectionate not wanting to be with him.  I couldn't win.

Yes... . last week my exBPDbf texted me to tell me that while he was sorry that he would be on a date for Valentine's Day night with my replacement, but he needed to tell me that he was very troubled that I was going to be alone... .   not because he cared that I was going to be alone... . because I might GO OUT and meet people.  That's so insulting it cracked me up.  And I've been horribly abused by this guy.  But I laughed out loud at that one... .    still trying to control me even after he's gone... .    

He made a fool of himself. I find myself laughing at him when I think back on some of the things he did to deceive me into believing that he was something that he's not.

Certain events were so deceptively over the top that I can't imagine how he thought that I wouldn't eventually find out.  At the time when I discovered a lie, it was shocking, and painful. I cried for days, sometimes weeks.  

This was one of those lies: seeing a therapist for about 6 months.

It was an elaborate ruse, one that included theatrics like only having a short time to talk with me before he had to get off the phone and get to his 'therapy' appointment.  I was so happy and impressed at the time that he was 'getting help.'  

When I discovered I'd been duped, I couldn't wrap my brain around the idea that anyone would lie about something like that.  It wasn't funny at all.  I can find some humor in it now in the sense that he got caught.  As another member suggested, it does help somewhat in detaching from it.

Better days ahead... .

The second time we recycled was after I was upset about the her hiding and lying to me about having her ex boyfriend stay at her apartment with her, 100 miles away.  I'm confident that nothing happened, but she lied and hid it.  No thought or concern about how I might feel.  

So when I learned what happened, I was angry and promptly ended the conversation rather than yell.  She withdrew, painted me, black, and left me.

When we were trying to reconcile.  She gave me a pamphlet on empathy and what I needed to learn.  SHE GAVE ME A PAMPHLET ON EMPATHY!

But the funny part is that I believed her and thought it mostly was my fault.     

Funny, like do I amuse you?  :)o you think I'm a clown?

 Well, to be fair she did put up a personal ad that says she wants to meet her emotional equal. Oh to have ringside seats for that battle :)! Otherwise, nothing she did to me was funny!

The only time that I smile about the ex is when I feel the freedom. Sometimes it feels so good that I even laugh. This is growth.

Right? it is nice to not have to walk on eggshells all the time. I know i can learn and grow from this, but it is funny that my ex will never grow. She will continue to do the same things and expect different results.

Well, when I tell other people that she packed her stuff and left me because we could not agree on what to have for dinner I sometimes laugh a little. It's not that it's funny but it's just so crazy. And I can't believe thought those behaviors are acceptable or that they were justified because I treated her so badly according to her.

Behaviour that is way beyond the ordinary often looks like it's funny. But that's just on the surface.

Knowing that my x behaviour did hurt me a lot and probably did/does hurt her, I really can't see the fun of it.

well, I once read that when things are getting tough and the bPd is raging, or fighting or discussing , or lying,... . you should try to see him/her as a huge infant standing there in it's nappies, with a teddybear in his arms, while it's stamping its feet  :)

and I don't think it was meant ironically! when i read that I actually recognised it, and if you start to see a situation from that point of view, it does seems funny sometimes  :), or cute, in a way 

apart from that , my ex was (could be) very funny, we shared tha same kind of humor and he had quite a lot of self-relativation, he could actually joke with his own behaviour (in the good moments)

but , when I think of it more deeply, i must say that even when he was funny (or trying to be ?), you could always feel a glimpse of sadness underneath it, or sometimes bitterness  :'(

he once described himself as a grumpy, bitter old man, and he's only thirty... .

Their disorder is not funny and the things that hurt us. But now i just see her behaviour like some little kid acting out.

Like if they said "I love (your replacement)"

All i can think is that little child inside her and telling her "Oh honey you think you are in love, no that is just neediness"

I guess i pity her but it is still funny to me that they think they are all grownup

exactly, that was what I meant.

imagine you would try to put their behaviours in different categories: than there would be some categories that are definitely not funny at all, sometimes their actions are plain rude and hurting, and sometimes even dangerous,

but some of their behaviours are only innocently childish to me, and sometimes I could really see that child through his eyes, it was a specific way of looking at me, it was the mere blink of a (small) child that doesn't understand the adult world... .

I sometimes saw it when I was asking him questions and I could see in his eyes that he didn't get me at all 

triskina, yeah sometimes is she a child with their facial expressions or just looking in their eyes. But mine also had an evil child in her. There were times she would knee me in the balls in public for no reason but to cause me pain or she thought it was funny.

but it would be funny to see them, at least my ex, in the future and see her childish behaviour especially when she is a lot older. i think mine got away with it because she looked 16 y/o even though she is 25 y/o and a year older than me.

Agreed!   None of my ex's behavior with BPD is really funny at all.  It's too sad, pathetic, and destructive a Disorder to laugh at them.

I don't laugh at a person in a wheelchair as he tries to get around an obstacle.  I don't find amusement when a person's colostomy bag breaks and fills the room with the overwhelming stink of Sht.  I don't think it's funny when a person with Cerebral Palsy drools all over herself.

And I don't think it's funny when a terrified three-year old is screaming in pure terror over what is a valid threat to her life... . that is how to survive.

What I can laugh at now, is how I was a truly sick a puppy when I entered the interaction and thought I could have a loving relationship with my ex wBPD.  

And I can laugh at the behavior and actions that I took to try and hold on and control the unattainable.  

And I can smile at myself, as I try and recover, whlie malignant hope and attachment to my ex wBPD still provide obstacles.  

And when I can smile at myself, I can forgive myself for holding on to behaviors that I learned in order to survive my hellish nightmare of a childhood, but which are no longer appropriate as an adult.  Behaviors that were mine long before I met my ex and are still mine long after she has forgotten me and lays with another.

I laugh because I was so damn stupid and naive in that sense. But it doesn't get funny with time. It get's scarier and usually ends with a *sigh* thank god it's over.

Okay, that is funny.  And obviously not remotely funny.  I agree that none of their behavior is actually funny.  And I do try and keep focus on the fact that my ex is reacting in the way that a scared toddler might. 

I suppose finding humor in absurdity helps me push through - which is better for me than the very dark place I have found myself in several times in the past year... .  

 

It's the childlike quality he had.

He had the stupidest giggle. Even his son made fun of him for it. But seriously, he would giggle like a schoolboy! It cracked me up.

The baby voice he used when talking to his dog. Now this is irritating, because he treated the dog better than he did his wife.

Talk about priorities.

But some of his behavior was very, very odd. Kinda OCD.

L