BPDFamily.com

Since it's this stupid Valentines day I feel even more pressure to vent, I assume my dear friends on this forum will not mind. As you may know my uBPDgf broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago after 3.5 years of relationship.

The thing is I have never felt so much mixed emotions in my life as I have in the past 2 weeks. The first thing I felt was a kind of relief because we had been fighting a lot more recently. After that I felt kind of lonely and sad, possibly because I am having a hard time finding work and have to much time on my hands.

But now, I am simply at feeling anger. Not anger that she broke up because this happens in sane relationships as well.  I am angry that she did not really love me, that she did not show more appreciation for the millions of things I did for her.  I quit a job in one of the best companies in my industry just because we were not spending enough time together, and guess what my career is on the downfall since then. I swallowed my pride when she would yell and slap me, I endured the insults and put downs, I traveled 1.5 hours after a 14 hour work day to spend half an hour with her because I loved her. I am angry that that she did not give me 5% of what I gave her, why did this have to happen, don't I deserve at least a bare minimum as human being? How is it possible that a click never occurred in her head and she thought "Hey, this guy is so good to me, I need to change".

What kind of a sick demented illness is this?

The final push occurred an hour ago when I noticed she added this guy on Facebook that she would talk about sometimes as an old crush. She was open about him being hot and smart. I guess she is preparing the terrain for a replacement. I don't know what is up with me and I know I should not care but I am so angry now.

Has anybody else felt this amount of mood swings. I'm a man for God's sake, I should not have mood swings

Normal rules don't apply in these cases *welcome*

As you move thru the grieving stages you may cycle in and out of adjacent stages... . it's not a definite, serial process. A good thing to try and do is let your self feel whatever it is you need to feel. If you need to shed some tears, let em go. We made huge emotional investments in the relationships we ended up loosing and it's gona take some time and self care to move along the recovery road. Hang in there 

You are grieving. It gets better over time. Do you have a T?

I don't know how it works in the U.S., but in my country therapy is very expensive. I have been unemployed for a while so I cannot cover the cost and the state therapist that work in hospitals and so on have a huge waiting list and are known for very poor quality work. I think I need to do a lot of introspection, I know I will get there but I feel kind of confused as I have never experienced mood swings to this degree before.

I'm a man too, I was taught as a child not to have feelings because I'm a boy, I'm a man. That is not true. It's a part of the healing process. Feelings and emotions will be intense in the beginning but it will start to get better and the different feelings will come and go but the length of time in between will get longer. It gets better.

Here are the different stages of grieving: PERSPECTIVES: The Five Stages of Grieving a Relationship Loss (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=138154.0)

What you are feeling is normal. You are healing.

- Mutt

 

I know it's really tough, and you have every right to feel upset at this time... . you've lost something you didn't want to loose. But it's perhaps best to focus on yourself and use this time to sort out how you really feel, now that you can be reflective, consider what you were getting out of the relstionship that was of real value in the long term... . It's about impossible to do till one gets over the initial shock. You'll learn alot and relate to your own experience as you read some other people's stories.

I broke up with my PD about three months ago and it gets easier as time goes by. Be patient and really take good care of yourself at this time. Know others are going thru or have experienced the same feelings you are. Take care.

Yes the grieving process anger denial bargaining sadness acceptance and then do it all over again in a different order.  I know the feeling,  don't act on your anger feel everything.   Yes she is sick but neurosis is no excuse for bad behavior.   You are too good of a man for her, i know you feel for her.  One day you will understand and forgive her.  I haven't reached that point yet, I'm still too hurt.  But I will and wish her the best.

What you are is human and humans are emotional creatures.  There's a time to man up and be tough, but this ain't it; the worst thing you can do is stop or distract yourself from feeling.  The only way out is through, these relationships screw with us to our core, and you MUST feel everything to heal, without causing more damage.  Tough, we know, but keep talking; you're already in therapy, this is group therapy, internet style.

Read all you can on this site, specifically the articles and recommended books.  2 weeks after a 3 1/2 year relationship is nothing, confusion and lots of conflicting emotions are the norm, learning about the disorder will clear a lot of things up for you, and the understanding will help with the confusion, which in turn may help with the emotions.

BTW, she did love you the best she could at one point, in that fantasy way a borderline loves, where you were perfect, her knight in shining armor, the savior who would rescue her from lifelong pain.  Fantasy-based and it would never work in reality, but it was 100% real to her for a time.  Give yourself that.