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My BPDw somewhat gently suggested that we do not exchange gifts this Valentine's Day, although I had already bought her and her daughter 2 pink, fluffy dogs with hearts on the ears. Seeing that she didn't want gifts, I just put the dogs in a bag and put them underneath my bed. The last thing I wanted to do would be to irritate her, because I disobeyed her. Also, she did not get me anything. Today being Valentine's Day, I did get her and her daughter a card apiece, and my BPDw got me a card, saying that she appreciates and loves what I do for them.

Well, this is just another way that I am staying and improving this relationship by cooperating with her. Yet, it seems that the relationship is all one-sided, because if I wish to have something from her for us, such as going on for dinner whether it is tonight or any other night, she will always say that she is too tired from work, she has too much studying to do for classes, etc.

So, I guess what I am saying is that I am being so very flexible just to keep the peace around here so that she can feel happier, that now I am feeling frustrated. I just wish there could be more flexibility on her part. I understand her need to change professions. Yet, there was a song a long time ago about how a parent is so busy with his life, that there is no time for his child. Well, in my case, my BPDw is so busy with her life, that there is no time for our relationship, yes, even on Valentine's Day. Sure, I am busy with my life and feel joy with it. Yet, the reason why I am married to her and I thought the reason why she is married to me is because we have a relationship that had been loving for a long time. Now, again, we are just roommates.

My BPDw mentioned this morning about her car needing to get the oil changed. So, after working out, I went out of town to pick up her car where she was working, took the car in, got the oil changed, returned her car, and took my car. Just a couple of minutes ago, she came into my room here to thank me for doing that and handed me a Valentine's Day gift of a movie gift card. So, I gave her and her daughter the pink dogs I mentioned in the previous post. It was nice of her to give me the gift card, and I was not going to look like a fool, not having gotten her and her daughter anything, especially after she told me not to do so. In fact, I reminded her, for which she had no comment. I just don't understand. I guess it's based on her mood the day she makes up her mind. Then, today, she changed her mind. By the way, I customarily pick up her car to get it serviced, but she doesn't give me anything at all. Go figure! ?

Lack of consistency is at the heart of the whole disorder. Its what causes the inability to regulate life, not just emotions.

We were going out for valentines dinner last night, 1/2 hour before due to leave she had a tantrum demanding I hand over extra xanax tabs. The result, I took my son out to dinner and she stayed home swallowed no doz tabs, called an ambulance and spent the night in ER. Today acting as though nothing abnormal happened. sorry to say in this household it's not abnormal.

The point is I had decided I was going out for dinner, with or without her. Today she spent in bed after being up all night in hospital, I went fishing.

She is wasting her life away 1 day at a time, and I am not going to waste mine pending her whim changes.

Acknowledging that not everything is in order or in love over the top and really acting like that i.e. not exchanging gifts is a big change and hard  . Getting the relationship stabilized on a lower level is a first step of rebuilding it. Taking game playing and pretend off the table opens channels for more honest communication over time.

A valentine day without drama is in my book a big success.

I could not believe my ears that even though my BPDw has been so busy with her studies, she said she wanted to exercise this afternoon. Then, seeing that we live on a lake and can easily make a good 45 minute walk around it, she suggested that the two of us make the walk, if I would like to. Of course, I said yes, because it is a nice walk, and just maybe, she would be willing to listen besides talking. Well, it turned out to be a conversation primarily about herself, her poor me life, how she has improved, how she is better than a lot of people, and how she feels that people should be kind to one another. I could have bitten my tongue especially when she said that people should be kind to one another. It is not in her vocabulary to apologize, and she easily forgets her own wrong doings. Speaking about being in denial! I did not reply to that piece of the conversation, because when I have done so in the past, she becomes very irritable.