BPDFamily.com

I'm not sure what the best thing to do is... . I ended the relationship with pwBPD 2 weeks ago. He hasn't let go - one day it's the angriest, most hateful texts I've ever seen. Then the next day it's the I'm sorry, I love you, blah blah blah texts. He was returning something of mine through the mail - I never even asked for it back and didn't care either way. Anyway, he put gift cards for my kids and myself in there for Valentines day. After the hateful things he texted me today, I don't want anything from him. If I send them back to him will that just cause more drama? I'm not sure how to handle this... . guessing this has happened to others and maybe someone has some advice. EVery thing he paid for or gifted us has been a complete manipulation. He never wanted me to pay for meals out. I would try and he would fight me. Now he holds that against me, along with every other thing he spent money on, which I told him NO - don't spend money on that, etc. but he did and now he rages at me about all the money he spent, etc. I appreciate any advice anyone has about this... . thank-you.

Hi DofP,

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Mine also went the I want to pay for everything then smash it over your head route. I know it hurts and is frustrating.She was convinced that if she "bought you" she was free to do with you what she wanted.  There was no reasoning with her. She told me I was not her equal and my job was to please her and not talk back. I choose to return anything and everything possible I had of hers and then went nc. Only choice I had left.  Hang in there!

dreamofpeace

You know whatever you do will upset him, right?

From my perspective, I would return the gift cards with a note simply saying that it was a kind and thoughtful gesture, but you do not feel right taking them.  Keep it short and civil.  

The last thing you need is to feel obligated to him or worse yet, to have HIM believe you are obligated to him because of his gifts.  He had obviously mailed them before he texted you today.

Good luck.

I'm sorry your going through this dreamofpiece. I read your intro post. I'm trying to get a sense of where you are in this since you said he is sending angry texts.

Are you thinking about possibly going to no contact or controlled contact since there are children?

Thank-you Coastal Fog and MammaMia - I'm glad to hear you returned the items you had and that feels like the right thing for me to do. I definitely don't want to feel more obligation.

Mutt - you said it so well! You are trying to get a sense of where I'm at... . and so am I - it's almost kind of funny. It all happens so fast I can't figure out what I'm doing, thinking, wanted to say, etc. I feel like I'm drowning with something pushing me under a lot of the time these days. I ended things in an email because I just didn't feel I was able to see him and after a physical incident I felt afraid. I have responded a couple of times to email and text in the last couple of weeks. I have not answered his calls or seen him in person. I want to go NC and I could be there now. I woke up to pages and pages and pages worth of texts from him and I responded right away out of my own anger, hurt, etc. I ended it with ":)o not contact me again. Good bye." So, it may be my out. The things he said to me were unreal. The most hurtful evil things you could say to anyone. I don't take most of it personally, but I can't believe I trusted him with things about myself. Lots of upset towards myself. I think I will do as someone else said - send them back with as little drama as possible. Thanks for listening!   

And Mutt, were you saying that NC or limited/controlled contact is better because I have kids? Are you saying that because you think that is the safest thing to do? Their safety is the most important thing of all to me. I just wondered what your thoughts were on that... . thanks!