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My ex (its on the introductory board) basically painted me black in a horribly way... . not only did he verbally and emotionally abuse me... he betrayed me in a very calculated and, ironically, impulsive way. I am left extremely hurt and damn near suicidal... . shocked and everything else you can think of as I was very good to him and loved him dearly. His reasons were imagined... . which has left me fairly confused...

He gaslighted me as someone pointed out among other things to make me question my reality.

We have known eachother 2 years (close friends) before becoming lovers for the past four months. His betrayal... i will forgive, but is not something that someone should ever ever take someone back for doing. And I would hope he knows this.

Did he do this knowing he would never be with me again... or his is logic too crippled to realize this.

Is he going to come back... or attempt contact again. I know he was baiting me after nc (for something he had done before this incident) to contact him... and when I did that was when all hell broke loose.

He has come back before... but they were always small things that didn't really make me think twice... b/c they were things he actually blew up. Am I going to hear from this guy again... . ? Or has he completely painted me black. The actions seem as though this would be a complete black void now... but it seems awfully early in the relationship for that... I feel traumatized, and I fear the day he calls or messages me... . or knocks on my door, because I actually love him. And it is very difficult for me to push away those I truly love. And I shouldn't love him after what he has done.

Any ideas? I know everyone is different and it is difficult to say. Any experiences with an exBPD that hurt you beyond repair and still came back?

Unless he has moved on to another relationship there is a pretty good chance he will contact you again.  If he knows you have "discovered" his flaws or feels like he has permanently lost control of you he may move on for good. 

He was a virgin before he met me and doesn't take care of himself physically. He doesn't really have friends (except online) so I doubt

he will be finding someone anytime soon.

He would REALLY attempt to come back after behaving that way?

in-freakin-sane dude.

What do you mean about control... . ?

What would be having control over me and what would be

"not" having control over me anymore?

OH and he showed me plenty of nasty flaws yesterday.

What he did... for a normal self loving person cannot be repaired.

He literally went to the limit surpassed the borders and blew

up the entire island. Would that be "discovering his flaws"

And what type of flaws are we talkin here?

Sorry trying to understand what just happened to me.

YOur not alone.  It  just happened to me too.  I could not for the life of me make any sense as to why he wanted to end the relationship. I challenged him on this and got no logic, just distain and hatred.  Its been horrible!  Its been 5 days now since we have officially broken up,  what ever that means. In his head,  who knows.? And like before his rage came out of no where.  One small slight from me,  and that was it!  He wasnt going to tolerate this anymore,  and ya... . it got me wondering about myself,  Am I doing something really awful Im not aware of, and if so what?  I asked him,   he couldnt answer me.   He could  not lay it down to any specifics,  thats when I knew something was wrong.   with him!   Its been horribly scary.   Because ordinarily this guy is so sweet and nice, so easy going.  I tell people I know about this and they act like they dont believe me. Its like hes changed into another person.  And shock?   YA!  Im still in shock!  Half the time I dont know what to do with myself.  I willl come to a happy medium for awhile and then all this awful stuff comes up again and  cant stop thinking about it. I went through my crying time. I think thats over,  I dont know. All I can do is write here and calm myself the best I can. 

There may be another take on this, but refusing to engage him and not tolerating his behaviors is a way of him losing control over you (when I stood up for myself, it was the beginning of the end for my r/s). That you won't fall for the Seducer again. Painting him black entirely is the ultimate form of control we nons can claim as our own.

Its interesting because I was with a borderline before and told myself this time was different. Bc,he,has somewhat of a self awareness and he never made me feel less than him like she,did. I think its bc his good side was nicer than hers. For some dumb reason I thought I could help him. And he would apologize which is something my previpus bp NEVER did. And it was always small things. hes been quiet this whole time then raged against me worse than she e ver did. He said I brought,out the worst in him and I deserved the consequences. Im stuck on the fact that I didnt even do what he was accusing me ofbc it just feels like cruel abusive behavior with no point. I did take up for myself. Told him this was abput,him not me that he hated himself that I actually did love him. He told me he was nothing but,a plaything to me which,again, I loved him so so much. He told me I was wrong that he loved himself and that why he,didnt want such a useless piece of trash. Told me he was sick of me saying I could do better qhich is what he,said... Not me. Sick over the whole thing. I think he does feel he lost control qhich is why he stooped so low as to smear me and expose my secret and basically risk my well being. He cant possibly believe I would take him back after that!

 *)Btw going to stop this im so sorry its a horrible pain and I,can totally empathize. If I had actually at least had.done what hr claimed I think this would be easier to deal with as.dumb as that sounds

Hi Hurt, would you take him back?

Tbh I woild want to really really badly. Thsts why im afraid of him contacting. But iv been here before and I made a promose to never let someone lower me again for their fear of losimg me among many,other screwed up schemas. I have not been in therapy all this time to go back to that. I may struggle with it but I do love myself and I do know deep down I am mostly good. But boy am I mourning. Hes beem a huge part of my life for almost 3 years. When I moved here I had no one. Iv shared everything with him. I love who he is when he isnt splitting. He has a strong sense of self... Which,is one area he isnt like a classic borderline and,i love his personality. I just loved him. Too bad he,is idiotically thinking I betrayed him and hate him. Dude I dont think im better than him but I do think he took me for granted. Im attractive and I have a good heart. We also clicked intellectually. We both share a love for quantim physics... See im still reminiscing and hoping. I would want to... But I cant and I shoild be happy about the fact im stronger... But,it means im going to have to miss him... Im going to have to quit my love for him. I have been single 4 years... By choice and I wanted my next one to be good. Instead I foolishly gave my heart away and loved hard because I was ready. Cooked cleaned massages made love when he wanted listened to his storiea... Treated,him like a man and respectes him. I,thought I was ready but still chose this: a little boy. Im feening and squeaming,at the,thought

Maybe im not ready bc I chose him... . Bit,boh im so close I can taste it. I was going out of my box and choosing the nice guy that gets overlooked. And I saw that as a sign of maturity... . ,but tjere were so many red flags I discarded bc I wanted it to work. I woilda stixk by his a*7 damn he is so missing oit. Im not narcissistic I just know thats the,truth