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my H is very angry and about ten minutes ago wouldn't stop getting in my face or let me leave the room... . kept blocking the way.  it is late at night and our three little kids are sleeping so i didn't want to leave, plus he threatened to not let me back in the house.  so i told him i'd have to call the police and picked up my phone. then he grabbed my arm hard, and pulled my phone out of my hand forcibly and refused to return it.  i told him he's crossed the line, and to give it back, and he wouldn't.  i retreated to my D3 and D5's room where I'm typing from D5's bed as she sleeps.  I sent an email to our local PD domestic violence unit but i don't think it's a hotline.  what else can/should i do?  He's been leaving me alone since i've been in with the kids, and they are still sleeping.  I'm scared but I do not want to leave the kids alone with him and it will definitely escalate and if i try to take them out with me.  this is probably not the appropriate board anymore, but since this is my usual posting ground i thought i'd try... . any advice?  file a report in the morning at the police station?  and of course we're expecting another snowstorm... . i'm worried we'll be stuck here together, but i don't think he'll do anything in front of the kids once they're awake.

Hi AnitaL,

I'm sorry that happened.  It is good to see that you are focused on keeping yourself and your kids  safe.

While on this board we can help you work through what you do around your H's behaviors, the legal board is more likely to help you figure out how to stay safe, document what you may need to, and consider any legal options.  You may want to re-post your question over there.

In the meantime, you did well in finding a way to get out of your H's way so that he will leave you and your kids alone.  As long as he is still angry or you think he could be triggered easily, I would generally avoid telling him what you are going to do (e.g., will have to call the police).  The lessons are excellent, but once he is dysregulated there is only so much you can do to help him until he finds a way to calm down.

As to communication options, it sounds like you may not have a landline that you could use if he still has your cell phone.  If you need a backup for making phone calls, a couple options include:

Google Voice:  If you have a Gmail account (or get a free one), set up a Google Voice account at www.google.com/voice .   Then, from a computer or laptop, you can make free calls to US numbers from within the Gmail chat thing that's at the left of the screen.  I think you will need to install a little piece of software first, but if I recall correctly, the link to download it is pretty obvious.

Skype:  With a free account you can make outgoing calls to toll-free numbers.  To make calls to other numbers you either have to add some credit into your account and let it deduct per-minute fees or buy a subscription.  In addition to the Skype program on computers, the Skype app is easy to download to smartphones, iPads, or other tablets.  Just keep in mind that without headphones, many of these devices can only act as speakerphones.

Stay safe, and let us know how you're doing.

Hi AnitaL,

this must have been a horrible night for you . Did things become a little calmer while you were hiding?

Clearly there were a lines crossed and he was loosing control badly. Just keep in mind that once he is

that far telling him that you escalate and call may make matters worse. It is very hard but keep what you

tell him and what you do separate. Avoid invalidation and act to protect yourself.

Can you line up some emergency resources today? Getting into a corner without being able to do something

is awful and dangerous. Just rushing out of the house without planning certainly is often not the best option

but then sometimes the only one. Kids don't make it easier. Tough call to make.

Any friends or family you can reach out?

So it's finally happened.  The DV email led to a call for a well-being check by the detective first thing this morning and I had six officers in my house at 7am after a very tense night.  They arrested him and I took the kids to the courthouse, my parents met us there to watch the kids, and I gave my affidavit.  The judge granted a yearlong restraining order after hearing him say my "facts were wrong" but he would be happy to stay away even without a restraining order.  She yelled at him to get the smirk off his face and to stop looking at me and shaking his head.  Everyone involved told me that he is a "tough one" and to keep my safety plan in place.  He's coming back tomorrow to collect his belongings and I plan to have the kids out of the house.  I'm nervous, relieved and terrified all in one.  I'll be moving boards now, I guess.  I already posted once for legal advice and will continue to do so.

Thanks again for everything you all have written on this board -- It has been invaluable.

Wow, sorry for what you have been through. It sounds really rough, but at least action is now being taken to get you away from that. Best of luck moving forward!  |iiii