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I am almost 6 months out. I'll write a milestone post in a few days to share some experiences and things I did to start healing. But here is a topic I wish to discuss separately. Short intro: I am vigilant in NC, just 2 months out of blocking everything imaginable to stop myself from obsessive stalking. I am also super busy thinking, meditating, reading, rediscovering. I most definitely did not give up on life.

But.

I saw her today. Her company promoted a video on Facebook and I clicked it knowing she would be in it (we both work in marketing/PR). Yeah, ok, she is the same. Does not look like a dream come true but I'd still probably date her if I just met her. But I am now also much more versed in listening to my inner self and what I heard was scary. I was looking at her promoting her brand and the first thing that popped in my mind was „I was not worth her“. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. My entire life I overcompensated self-image with achievement. That is an issue in itself, I am well aware of it, and I am actively trying to reinvent my system of values. But it worked for so very long, and it could have worked till the day I happily die. But I found her and she convinced me that I am somehow less of a person. Damage this caused is unspeakable, but I am not here to whine.

Previously today, I was sitting with a few people from work and there is a girl I like. I am kind-of trying to get to her and she is kind-of saying back that she is interested but in a compliceted situation right now. All cool, but what nobody sees is what is happening in my mind. It is filled with self-defeating thoughts, like „right, she would never date someone who is no longer a director“, „ok, why would a girl date anyone with arthritis“, „yeah, sure, you will run if you see how damaged I really am“. THIS ALSO IS RIDICULOUS. I am, in essence, beating myself with my own hurt.

So I am thinking that all this post-relationship agony is actually just an acute loss of self-esteem. I had my share of breakups and nothing ever devastated me like this. I am interested if any of you have self-esteem problems that we can talk about here in blessed anonymity and what did you do to start dragging yourself out of them.

4815162342,

This is so tough, and I'm sorry you are feeling this way.  I know it doesn't make it feel any better, but this is part of the grieving process – you are definitely not alone.  It's normal to go through this phase, our self-esteem really takes a hit.

The self-talk will do its thing, but we don't have to buy into it.  Easy to say, I know.  Some recommend caring dialog with the hurt child within, it helps to counteract the continuous stream of negative comments and allows compassionate feelings to surface.

Hang in there.  You are doing well and this too shall pass.