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I think someone else here mentioned that their ex changed when he started calling the them out on their lies and cheating. The beginning of the end of my r/s with my exgfwBPD started as soon as I started to call her out on her lies. Her whole demeanor and attitude towards me changed. This is also when she started putting up the new personal ads.  What gets triggered in a BPD person when you start calling them out on the lies and bs? 

exposure... . you finding out who is really behind that mask.

If anyone finds out about who they really are or how they really feel... . they lose. They lose that facade, they lose that Ace of Spades up their sleeve, they can no longer cheat in the game they are determined to win.

Shame is powerful.  Especially for a person who tends to think in polarizations of all good or bad.

I understand it like this. Thoughts get triggered. Could be any thought. The thought produces feeling. The feelings produce behavior. Could be anything.

Reality consists of appropriate behavior with respect to thought and feeling.

The dysfunction manifests itself as inappropriate behavior. I think.

Almost forgot. Important note: feelings aren't facts.

It's like a mirror pops up.

The person either looks in or looks away.

Cleans it or breaks it.

The projection becomes a reflection.  If you were once a convenient place to off her shame and you stop being that and instead bounce it back to her, you become the problem instead of the solution.  All downhill from there... .

I triggered her shame, which then triggered her rage.  She projected her shame on to me and then attempted to destroy that shame by destroying me.

This is so so so so true.  I was so convenient.  Embarrassingly. And then began to mirror back exactly what was said and done to me and that was the beginning of the end.  An end which should have come years before.  I was no longer scared because the drinking stopped and the mean drunk wasn't there.  Thanks for this precise explanation of what finally happened.  Thanks a lot!

One night I had enough of her bs and told her straight to her face "I am sick and tired of you. I met you, you were the most loving person. Now you have become self-absorbed, uninteresting and petty. I don't know what happened, but you are not the type of woman I want by my side"

She said NO ONE had ever spoken to you that way (probably bc all of her past bf's were buying into her bullcrap).

I said we were over. She cried... . but then started texting someone (not sure who that was) and 2 minutes after was all smiley again. Effin nut cases.

AL

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