BPDFamily.com

Dear all,

I just thought i'd put to words a few strange things with my exBPDgf.

We split abt 5mths ago, NC 4mths, and I'm recovering from time in hospital due to my own serious depression and harming as a result of the r/s hell.

My ex simply spouted vile and sent me the cruellest of emails in October, then devoted herself to God, being baptised and reborn... .   yeah, I know, v strange and no acceptance of responsibility/reality.

Rather than look for a job she found God and God 'provided' for her (via her mums ££)... .  

Anyway, I made a decision last Sunday to go back to church and just enjoy myself because I used to a great deal.  I didn't know if she'd be there (there are 4 services on a sunday) and I didn't care.  But she wasn't there... .   which was a bit weird as in October she was at every one.

Yesterday I made 2 new friends in a church related party and social gathering -I had a really nice evening.  Again, she wasn't there... .  

My T said to me about a month ago that religious ideation is as finite as the idolisation stage -eventually, she would get 'bored' of religion... . and it seems she may have... .  

I remember she had some good friends from the church, so wonder whether she eventually showed her rage and true colours?

Anyway, what do I care?  I don't!  But I did enjoy being back and I'm going to go back again.  The man I considered to be 'her' Pastor, couldn't have been more friendly and welcoming... . (and he meant it, there was no fakeness there -as if he knew!)- BPD is such a weird illness... .

She's still in London though... . I can sense it!  urghhhhhhhhh  yuck... .       

I'm really looking forward to the day where if I see her I will just smile and then turn my head with utter indiffernce -it's not a million miles away... .    :)

DiamondSW,

I'm so glad that you were able to get back to church, something that seems to be a good support for you.  Interesting what your T said, it makes sense, because often a pwBPD is looking for an "identity."

Don't know if we ever reach indifference with people we loved, but I do believe we can eventually see them and be at peace.

Church, socializing, a good T – so helpful for recovery from the drama and pain.  Keep up the great work, Diamond!  |iiii

Ditto. Sounds just like mine. Ever since she met my replacement, all of her counseling ceased, as well as, her going to church. When they attach, I guess AlL of their problems are done

Mine too, and that ideation is an interesting point. Mine stopped writing in her Prayer Journal For Mothers (which had an inspirational Bible verse on each entry page) about a month before she left. I also don't expect her to follow through her plan to bring the kids to Sunday school on her weekends like she said about a month ago. She goes between her Catholic upbringing (which she said she rejected a long time ago, but still goes through some motions), Buddhism, and more mainstream Protestant Christianity. She did like the Christmas week sermon she heard at our church. It must have been soothing to her. She's a seeker, but one of those forever seekers. I don't see that changing much.

Mine in the beginning of the r/s was telling everyone who wanted to listen that she was atheist and even asked to be debaptized at her church. She even told my family the same story. 2 years later, we were watching a program about religion on tv with my family. My sister asks her what religion she follows. She replies I am catholic. Once my family left, I asked her about that change. She simply answered it was a personal decision and she didn't have to justify herself even to the person that she was seeing everyday (she never told me about it). Since then, my mom started to be really suspicious about her and gave me a talk about how shady this girl was. I wish I listened to her at that time.

I find what your therapist said very insightful. when we split my ex was OVER THE TOP with religion. she was "becoming closer to god" "so happy" "a woman of god" blah blah blah. i have no idea what she is doing now, but i am willing to bet it was just a fad. crazy how we all have such similar stories.

Mine wrote a jounral entry a few months ago thanking God for both her paramour and also me in her life. Then asking God for guidance on doing the right thing, like was this situation supposed to show her right from wrong (as if it were hard to determine? Not like I abused her... . if anything , it was the other way arond). She chose: under the guidance of a false, quasi-religious, Bible-verse spewing, hypocrite, narc man boy paramour. Someone to "lead her" and "guide" her... . , basically a kid, *feh.* I'll lead and guide the children, thankyouverymuch. Don't need to parent an adult.

Mine too religious until she met replacement.   Now not very religious.   Esp. about walking the walk.  But you could say that about anyone i guess its not the words but the action that counts.