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Title: what is considered a "normal" marriage? Post by: Happy73 on February 20, 2014, 04:37:24 PM Because I have been in "high conflict" feeling like I'm just trying to live from one outburst to the next and responding to my uBPDh "needs"... . I guess this might seem like an odd question, but what would be considered a "normal "marriage?
How much do most couple talk throughout the day? At night do you sit and talk (or let the BPD tell stories)? Do you devote your whole day giving them attention? Title: Re: what is considered a "normal" marriage? Post by: waverider on February 20, 2014, 05:37:31 PM It is often best not to try to define a "normal" marriage as you may view others. There are many BPD marriages, especially high functioning ones where the external facade is so strong, even overcompensating, to the point that outsiders think these are perfect normal marriages.
Even taking BPD out of the equation their are many other issues that can make things less than perfect. The grass is not always greener, I have two broken marriages behind me that turned into nightmares and they had nothing to do with personality disorders. Having said that it is still difficult not to wish for the theoretical "normal" Title: Re: what is considered a "normal" marriage? Post by: hergestridge on February 21, 2014, 05:26:42 AM The thing with a BPD marriage is that you never manage to adapt. I have tried everything and I still I have received complaints.
From my experience there is mo such thing as "normal". Every marriage is unique and in normal relationships people find routines that work for both parties. A BPD partner may typically establish such a routine, then "tire" of it and project that failure onto their partner instead of leaving their relationship. Title: Re: what is considered a "normal" marriage? Post by: waverider on February 21, 2014, 10:53:28 AM The thing with a BPD marriage is that you never manage to adapt. I have tried everything and I still I have received complaints. From my experience there is mo such thing as "normal". Every marriage is unique and in normal relationships people find routines that work for both parties. A BPD partner may typically establish such a routine, then "tire" of it and project that failure onto their partner instead of leaving their relationship. Yes the inconsistency is the hardest aspect to adapt to Title: Re: what is considered a "normal" marriage? Post by: Love Is Not Enough on February 21, 2014, 11:32:40 AM The thing with a BPD marriage is that you never manage to adapt. I have tried everything and I still I have received complaints. From my experience there is mo such thing as "normal". Every marriage is unique and in normal relationships people find routines that work for both parties. A BPD partner may typically establish such a routine, then "tire" of it and project that failure onto their partner instead of leaving their relationship. Yes the inconsistency is the hardest aspect to adapt to Because the rules of the game are always changing. So what you have to do is set your OWN rules, play by them, and do NOT deviate from them. To reiterate there is no normal. Just forget about it and accept the "crazy" for what it is. It sounds like you are really struggling with your husbands "needs", which a lot of us have had to deal with. The answers to your questions should come from you. What do YOU want? If you feel you are spending too much time attending to him then you have to set boundaries to keep it to level YOU are comfortable with. Some of it may come down to accepting that you may not be able to be the center of most conversations. If it really bothers you though, you should say something. Calling you a 100 times a day (as an example) while you are working is probably unreasonable for most people and you should set a boundary. A pwBPD can be really greedy and will take everything you give them. You have the power over that though and you can decide how much you want to give. They might not like it at first, but they will adjust to it. Just stick to your guns. |