BPDFamily.com

So after a 40 day NC other than a very short text conversation a couple weeks ago I got the text.It was late last night and it just said I miss you.I let it go but replied this morning(I had to my situation is different).She explained she was drinking and was very sweet but got all dejected.We texted quite a bit and it just went downhill fast.I knew it would and I felt like I knew exactly what was going to happen and it all did.Somehow it was all my fault and she made some accusations that were a reach at best.Anyway back on bad terms and it did not really phase me but it was interesting how these people follow the same patterns.Well until next time.

I love how we nons refer to BPD's as "those people" and such. I think we do because we realize that they are not human at all but rather they take on our human form as they are actually aliens from Third Galaxy Chaotic from Sector Thermite, specifically the planet Lunatic123.

He he he.

(Sorry, … I couldn't resist) :)

No need to be sorry,it's actually pretty accurate!It's interesting knowing they have BPD but they have no idea you know.It's actually pathetic and I have no sympathy for them.

It's funny…. I sometimes fall back into feeling sympathy then I shake my head and realize that is what they want from us,. …...

oh oh, … there I go calling them "they", … oh oh, ... i called them them…

hehehe

(note to self: no drinking a beer and going on forums)

"They" are no more monolithic a group as "us" are.  There are certainly some consistent behavioral traits from both parties in these relationships... . that is wildly obvious to all of us who read the posts on this site.  I found it really helpful to zoom in on the traits of my ex as it helped me to face the reality of her behavior and deflate my fantasy bubble around her.  But, as time moved on and I sought more clarity and honesty as to what happened, I needed to move away from the categorizations and see her behavior in all of its individual "glory". 

I've sent the I miss you texts.

I have my predictable patterns.

I saw what she was capable of.

I stayed. I dared myself to see it to the end.

I thought my love, my time, my efforts would be enough.

Trying for control just like she was. Like we all do.

Letting go. That's been the most freeing.

That's the best footing to have.

I didn't know where the end was going to be.

It's a new beginning. It's when we change.

Looking back, it's obvious.

Looking ahead, it's up to me.

Myself, you can hang your post on me as an accurate categorization!  That was brilliant, and is spot on for me.

Thanks. |iiii

And in a strange twist of events she wants me to come over Sunday

Sympathy/Pity for what is perhaps the most pathetic of conditions has been a cornerstone of my recovery.  

Next time you see a somewhat functional bag lady, give her five dollars.  Watch her eyes light up in joy, as she mirrors your good, and see the abandoned child in her.  

Then tell her she smells bad, and watch her in an moment flash to the angry child, with eyes of hatred that could tear apart concrete.

Or instead bump into the bag lady, and watch her as she turns into the punitive parent as she looks to punish you because you deserve it.

Or just barely note her existence as she stays in the Detached Protector and can barely register anything.

All of these were my ex.  And just because my ex was better at hiding and surviving in the world, doesn't mean that she's much different in emotional and relational capacities.    So, when my anger and spite over the blow to my ego subsides a bit, I can feel pity for the bag lady, and that helps me to let go of my personal affront due to "the predictability of them people."

Just like the predictability of US people.  Our patterns are just as predictable as them's. 

Yes, ... . we are pretty predictable... .

yes, better to concentrate on breaking the patterns of my own predictability than concentrate on the predictability of pwBPD. Breaking my own patterns is the only action i can control, and that will be the only thing that will enable change in my life... .

What were the comments that started it downhill?

The first time was I had moved on and did not care about her.

The second time was over some food we had once.

The third time was who im friends with on facebook and instagram.

It really just followed typical BPD patterns but im onto it because of this website.I never got angry with her just made some wise cracks that she of course took major offense too.

I will admit I am not even close to perfect maybe even have some childhood trauma myself.I am just so interested in these people and the way they go about business.

I was meaning "what comments in the text exchange this week started it down hill"?