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When we were together and even during breakups I would take her crap or try and reason with her about how unreasonable she was being ie, trying to get her back to mirror me. There would be times when it had gone on long enough and I was fed up, or whatever it was was so crazy that I would vent. I do have a temper. I've shown it more in past relationships but not nearly as bad with her. See, I thought I had a prize (if you only knew what a joke that really is)so I held my tongue for the most part and walked on eggshells. You know the drill. I say that by my standard. I'm sure she would tell you that I did have a temper and there were times I should have just walked away and that would be correct as well. She withdraws and is passive unless she is having one of her psychotic episodes.

Anyway, NC was broken the past couple of weeks. First by her then she told me not to contact her. (Why can she contact me but I can't her brw?) I had a lot of built up anger. What she did this last time goes way beyond anything I've ever heard of. It destroyed me and spilled over into the lives of others in a devastating way. So when it went south the past couple of weeks i let it fly. I blasted her in emails pretty bad. I actually did this one other time when we were dating and she slept with someone during a one week break. I it her with some really low blows. Of course now I wish I had handled it different nd have gone NC again and will be able to stick it out this time, I'm sure.

But my question is, did I totally give my power away? Did I give her what she really wanted to pint to and say I'm the crazy one? Or is there a chance she may have read the emails and taken it to heart?

I blasted her with everything I've learned about BPD and really tried to hit the core wounds and suggest help. Of course now I have moments when I feel sorry for her and realize that I blasted a disordered woman. Still, what she has done is not excusable and to not say that is to be a doormat. I can see both sides of the argument. Your thoughts?

I don't know if I'd say you gave your power away.  You were upset, lashing out, and lost a bit of control over your emotions.  It has happened to most of us.   

The question is how do you recover from this so that it doesn't keep you ruminating, building up your anger and resentment of her?   Moving towards letting her go with compassion and determination to maintain an even keel.


Why do you think you feel the need to teach her a lesson?  Saying what she has done is inexcusable implies that you still have some connection to wanting to right what you feel was wrong with her behavior and how she treated you.  That isn't going to help you detach and heal.