BPDFamily.com

I’ve struggled with this since childhood. Not seen and heard, it’s more difficult to get hurt. I’m not sure if it was a learned response encouraged by my parents or defense mechanism to cope with a family constantly in crisis. Whatever the case it’s become a self-fulfilling prophecy and grown into a very lonely existence. When I met her she did the one thing I longed for, she listen to me. I finally felt heard and valued. She let me talk and tell stories and then she twisted it and threw it back in my face. Her last rage at me was how I’m supposed to keep my mouth shut and provide for her needs because I’m not her equal in life. How she hated when I talked because she couldn’t stand my accent. And how this was society’s rules and I needed to learn to play by them. An old wound has been ripped open and I don’t know how to get it to heal.

That's really twisted isn't it: you aren't her equal, yet she demands you provide for her. Maybe a first step is stepping back and distinguishing truth from falsehood.

It's more difficult to get hurt when you put walls up but it is a lonely place to be coastalfog1. You are self-aware. Did you recall getting validated as a child? Do you think that your ex gave you something that was neglected in your life, and that's why there was such a powerful pull to this person?

Sure. When no one talks to you having someone all of a sudden pay attention is a huge draw.