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During the r/s, did you notice her lies? on what situation she was lying? Mine used to lie about pretty much anything specially to draw attention on her. She was always telling me about her hundreds best friends (all guys) that did that or that. I never met most of them and the ones I met didn't seem that close to her. She was also good on twisting word and stories. I can't even count how many times she made me feel like I was the insane one by telling me that she never said things that I clearly remembered she said (ex: in the beginning of the r/s, she told me that she already slept with a guy that was now her friend. Few months later, I question her about the same guy and she said that she never slept with him. At that time, i was so afraid of confrontation and argumentation with her that I would just let her talk and remaines silent. Most of the times when I would try to argument, she would tell me that I was stubborn and had a strong personality.

I noticed his lies, and I would do the same as you.  When he was act like something was never said, or didn't happen, instead of calling him out on it, I would just let it go.  One time during a short "break-up" he told me he went out with a co-worker.  Several months later, something was brought up about her.  He then said, I never went out with her.  I didn't even bother, I just said oh ok.  Knowing full well, I couldn't have thought that if he wouldn't have been the one to say it in the first place.  There were a couple more of those same kind of instances.  Should have been a big freaking red flag, right there 

It's been said that pwBPD live in a fantasy world.  And since they don't have a sense of self, or well defined memories, or the ability to exercise very much self control in many areas... . lying becomes a coping and survival skill.  It's a function of the Disorder, especially as a relationship becomes more complex. 

For example, it's like when have said a small lie, but then had to build more lies upon lies to support the original lie.

The above is life for a pwBPD.

Borderlines are built of lies. They are pathalogical liars and believe to their lies. My husband hit his foot as a self harm and insisted that he had gout for attention. For the first 10 years of our marriage I thought he was one of the most honest man I've ever known. How great he was at keeping his mask on!

They are waste of space and when we beleive their lies they see us very gullible and naive so not good enough for them!

She also invented herself surgeries. said that she had a surgery for a torn ligaments in her knee. Usually, such surgeries leave big scars on the knees. I ve never seen a single scar on her knees. Invented herself a whole work resume. At her age 22, she already had 6 allergies in her medical file.

Lying to herself, and me, she changed reality.

She knew it wasn't true I'd never leave.

She knew she'd get me to.

Much of the relationship was lies.

Much of why we broke up too.

What's the truth today?

Funny a friend and I had a discussion about this today but in reference to her narcissistic ex.  She said that he would often times take something and twist it but ultimately believe it so fully he never could understand it was a lie.  It's like their sense of reality is skewed.  I know I saw this with my ex a lot

It's not "like."  Their sense of reality, in comparison to those on this board, is skewed.   But what they perceive as reality is their reality.  It's the only thing that they've known.  It's the only reality they are capable of.  And in the mind of my ex, even if she knew it was a lie, she could not consciously register the lie, because she wasn't able to take responsibility.  Not able.

It's a Disorder.  It doesn't make sense to us.  It doesn't produce happiness. I strives for survival and destruction simultaneously.  

My ex lied constantly. About her age about her professional credentials, pretty much anything that suited her need. What bugged me was when she would make up a lie about me and try and convince me it was true. What I question is why tell the same lies from one relationship to the next if you know what the outcome is going to be. At least lie about something that can't be fact checked.

She lied about being abused by her family, she lied about being abused by her boyfriend, she lied about being abused by ME, she lied to cover up multiple affairs in our 18yr marriage, she lied and faked being sick to miss kids sporting events and family outings (to have affairs), she lied about her sister being nasty towards her, she lies to her own sons (9&14) about their father being abusive and controlling, she lied about her father beating on her mom, she lied to our pastor, she lied in marriage counseling, Hell if you ask what 1+1 is she'll lie and say it =32 and convince you she's right.

She= my uBPDxw. Her whole existence is one big lie. I truly feel,sorry for her. Her world of lies she's built up for 42yrs is finally starting to crumble around her. The girl I knew and loved never really existed!

My ex was a master at lying and therefore was a remarkable salesperson... . literally.  Can sell anything to anyone. Super high functioning and made a point to tell me all the time just how gifted and talented she really was/is. And what a piece of utter disgusting poop I was. And I got caught in the cycle of trying to prove her wrong... . that I am not stupid or incapable.  And I could not ever make that happen.  I was still that disgusting person who she loved so much and hated at the same time. 

It has taken me a long time to begin to be better.  Lots of time and more time.  I am beginning to be my old self again. I believed EVERYTHING in the seducer phase and boy did I want to cause it was mind blowing. And then I trusted nothing.  And watched the lies and more lies just float from her without a moment to even create them. They just came, lying her way in and out of just about everything. 

It's been forever since I have been on this site, and now that I'm far more detached i have more to offer. Do they lie of course they do. Remember their whole life is a lie they have no sense of self, my udBPDex told me that. Our whole marriage of 19 years she just mirrored me pretending to be who she thought I wanted her to be.  During the affair i found out about you could give her proof in writing and she would still lie straight to your face. Even now 6 month's after the divorce is final she still lies saying she's happier than ever, but a minute later she tells me she still cries about me at least once a week.  Oh the list can go on and on. But they are masters of disguise, they are camellias, that way nobody can get to close to see the real them.

My relationship was over a long time ago. I tried to be friends afterwards. Part of the reason it didn't work out is because I refused to lie to myself or her anymore. I became a better more honest person in the process. When I found out she faked an illness to skip her brother's wedding I asked her to talk to me about it. Usually I would try and then let it go and pretend it didn't happen. I wouldn't let it go this time. So she refused to talk to me anymore. She has come back and tried to talk to me a couple times but I brought it back up as soon as she began telling me lies about her family (This was a rather odd thing. I suspect in her new world she created this story about her family and why she has such bad relations with them. She didn't seem to remember that I know her family!). Anyhow... . I told her she was wrong and brought up her brother's wedding again. We haven't talked in well over a year now. I don't miss it either. I think it is important to recognize your reality and trust that reality. If you let somebody else determine your reality you might wind up following someone without all their mental facilities.  |iiii