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She back peddled after calling me saying she wanted to get back. She said we can't speak anymore, to which I agreed.

Then, on valentines day, I get two missed calls from her (she is seeing someone). I didn't awnser at the time, but have tried to call her back a few days later. Wrong, I know.

Anyway, she didn't awnser & I haven't heard anything since she tried to call on the 14th.

I'm away on holiday now & for some reason, I've really started to miss her & really want to talk to her. I won't try calling again tho, my pride kicks in.

The saga continues.

I don't think it was wrong of you.  You did what you felt u needed to do at the time.  Be gentle with yourself.

I know for me pride got me thru the beginning of my nc.  I wanted her to take accountability just this once! 

When she didn't yet again it hurt of course but it also spoke volumes to me and sent me to these boards researching and reaching out incessantly. 

That helped so much more than her taking accountability ever would.  She can't take accountability.  She simply can't.  It was very hard to understand and accept that but the people here helped me so much.

Take care of you... Try to find enjoyment in your holiday... keep posting.  You will get there

It's her birthday next Monday. Would it be wrong to call to wish her happy birthday?

I doubt she'd awnser, but I'd leave a message, just saying 'we shouldn't talk, but I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday... . '

Nothing more, nothing less. It will be on my mind. She wished me happy birthday, I just feel I might feel worse for not doing it.

Eric1-I just want through the same thing this past weekend (her birthday).  I would not call her.  Listen to your own quote "She said we can't speak anymore, to which I agreed".    No Contact is for you, and your recovery from this.  Each of us had to decide for themselves when we are done with this.  I am so glad that I did not contact her this weekend to wish her a happy birthday.  NOTHING good would of come from it.  You also have to be honest with yourself as to why you even want to wish them a happy birthday?  What are you hoping will happen as a result of this?

On Valentine's Day, I sent a note to my xBPDgf because I thought I'd feel worse if I did not send it.   She acknowledged it, which ended up giving me false hope, which led to another door slam in my face. 

I don't know what you should do, but my new goal is NC.   I lose more if I send notes, even in good faith.   

All the best.

Eric1, went through same thing. about a week before valentines mine started contact, wnated us to eat lunch. Started fawning all over me. which started the textting back and forth. I didnt get her anything for valentines day becasue I felt like that was why she was trying to recycle just to use me again. On the morning of 2/15/ I get a text telling me we shouldnt be together even tho we stilled loved each other. I havent heard from her since. I call it a hit and run. LOL but it still hurts.

The thing with skiing holidays, although it's fun , there's plenty of time to think. And today I've been thinking a lot.

Why, in the name of god, would I want to rekindle a relationship with someone who was just a complete ___. I've been surrounded by couples and I've envisaged myself in those situations with my ex.

Can you imagine, being crammed for 25 minutes, pushing and shoving getting onto a cable car, to then be compact whilst traveling up the mountain etc. And, just those simple parts wouldn't be possible for her. I know she would rage at me. It would be my fault it was busy, my fault for having to carry things, my fault for the time it took. Christ, we went to centre parcs (uk) for my sisters 30th, which was a relaxing holiday and she still managed to ruin it for me.

I'm sure my attitude will change, and I'll start missing her again, but with the less amount of contact, the clearer I become.