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Title: Text from ex - Is he trying to make me contact him? Post by: Popcorn71 on February 22, 2014, 01:27:41 PM I just got a text from my exh. I have been NC for 10 weeks since the day of our divorce.
The text said 'All went ok - and yes please'. My thoughts on this are: It is almost impossible to reply to wrong number - he has done this intentionally. Why does he still have my number? Everything is settled between us and we have no reason to ever have any contact with each other ever again. He is trying to get me to reply asking 'What went well?' He is trying to remind me that he is still around. I showed my teenage daughter the text without telling her what I thought. She immediately said 'He's asking you to contact him to find out what went well.' even a teen can read his BPD behaviour! I am not going to reply to this text. A few weeks ago I would have replied telling him he sent it to the wrong number or asked 'who is this?'. Now I just don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I still have the same number or of him knowing that he has reminded me that he still exists. Maybe this is a small sign that I am on my way to getting over him? Title: Re: Text from ex - Is he trying to make me contact him? Post by: arn131arn on February 22, 2014, 01:34:23 PM Not only is it next to impossible to reply to a text that in actuality IS, indeed, the wrong number, but if you have been NC with him for 10 weeks, the chances of your number being anywhere "high up" on his history list is highly doubtful. That contact is and will forever remain very truly bogus!
Title: Re: Text from ex - Is he trying to make me contact him? Post by: fromheeltoheal on February 22, 2014, 02:17:54 PM Borderlines hate to let go of any attachment, since fear of abandonment is the core of the disorder. So he may have been having a bad day and was reaching out to someone he thought might soothe him, make him feel better, and/or testing to see if he still has emotional hooks in you, see if an attachment still exists. Combine that with an unstable sense of self and lack of object constancy, and there was no reason in his head to not try and contact you, regardless of what has happened previously in your relationship.
If we are still fully enmeshed in the dysfunction, we would have responded right away, and you saying you're not going to respond is progress, although you're still parsing the words and trying to read between the lines. Real detachment is you would read it and be completely emotionally indifferent, it just wouldn't matter what he said or even the fact he said it. Best to delete it, learn what you can about yourself as a result of it, and keep moving forward and focusing on you. Take care of you! Title: Re: Text from ex - Is he trying to make me contact him? Post by: arn131arn on February 22, 2014, 03:36:32 PM Heal, you say that true detachment is reading it and not feeling anything about it one way or the other. Can this and is this even be possible? After 14 years, I just don't know... . but I hope.
Title: Re: Text from ex - Is he trying to make me contact him? Post by: fromheeltoheal on February 22, 2014, 04:15:23 PM Heal, you say that true detachment is reading it and not feeling anything about it one way or the other. Can this and is this even be possible? After 14 years, I just don't know... . but I hope. 14 years is a long time and you have a kid together, so she may not ever be out of your life all the way, but I say it's possible. I know many people who have kids together but they're divorced and in relationships with other people, and their relationship with each other has evolved to one of polite respect for the sake of the kids, and they really don't have any power over each other anymore, they've both just moved on, of course those are 'normal' people. I wasn't married to my ex and we didn't have kids, so it's easier just to remove her from my life entirely; I haven't heard from her for almost a year, and although I don't want to test it, if she did try and contact me I don't think it would have any impact, I've truly have moved on. One foot in front of the other man. Title: Re: Text from ex - Is he trying to make me contact him? Post by: Popcorn71 on February 23, 2014, 04:37:06 PM Heal, you say that true detachment is reading it and not feeling anything about it one way or the other. Can this and is this even be possible? After 14 years, I just don't know... . but I hope. I divorced my first husband 15 years ago after 6 years and 2 children together. I believe he had BPD traits but not as bad as my recent exh. I reached the stage of indifference with him after 14 years. I think it would have been sooner had he not caused lots of problems over the children. I think eventually we will reach a state of indifference but it will take a long time. All we can do is work on ourselves and wait. Title: Re: Text from ex - Is he trying to make me contact him? Post by: Popcorn71 on February 24, 2014, 04:12:48 PM I got another text from him today. This time asking for info on a matter that was settled in court and he should have contacted the lawyer not me. I ignored it.
Maybe after 6 months with the replacement he wants to see if I am still there for him? Erm ... . NO WAY |