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So, my ex brought my replacement to court last week. Word is, they are moving really fast. Talking about their future, her FB is all about him and how he is the most wonderful man she's ever met. The guy's almost 10 yrs older than her and never been married. I always wondered why she never had a pic of us, our family on FB. I believe in my heart she has cheated either physically or emotionally with him thru FB. I believe it's been going on a while, and that is why they are off and running so fast. And it doesn't make me feel any better about it... . thoughts please? I have a constant turning in the pit of my stomach even thinking about it. What is that and how do I stop it... . fear?

I don't know that this'll make you feel any better about it, but consider that a year or two (or whenever) from now, they'll be an "arn132arn" right here on this board asking the very same questions!

Food for thought. :)

Yeah, I've had that knot in my stomach before. I think it's a symptom of anxiety which is essentially fear so you're right. I haven't had it constantly though so I would advise you to go to a doctor and/or psychologist about this. Get it checked out... properly diagnosed and treated.

Breathing exercises and/or mindfulness exercises may help you relax however I would urge you to seek professional support for this issue.

I'm sory, I probably exaggerated about the "constant", but it comes when I think about this. I have already been seeing a P for 6 weeks now. Someone told me 99 percent of our fears never come true or are not true, however, it would explain allot of her past behavior. No FB pics, Triangulation (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0), and smear campaigns. I just don't think you move so fast after only been knowing someone for 10 weeks, unless you been seeing them for a while.

Thanks, Dude. I didnt catch the "132" part at first... . made me laugh. That's funny 8 don't care who u r.

Hey arn, how you been? Life still happens ya? Cool that you posted. So, guys never married at what? 47? Hmmm... . Must be a reason for that. But! You are experiencing more of the same. The reason I think that you have anxiety is that you want her back. Arn, buddy, I sure do understand. It's emotional pain. Real as hell. Emotional pain stimulates the pain center in the human brain exactly like physical pain. Having this knowledge will do precisely nothing for you. Understanding your self and why you feel this pain can only be some slight consolation. Pain is a part of life. It means you are alive. This is where gratitude comes in. I've held firm to gratitude and it has been fundamental in acceptance. It is ok arn, it will always be ok.

Listen to your intuition Arn. You may be correct that there has been an emotional affair going on for sometime. She was probably prepping the replacement for sometime and when she knew he was ready she left with him. I'm sorry about how painful this is. I went through a similar thing with my ex.

I remember my r/s moved very quickly with my ex. Try not to feel bad about the pics. It sounds like she may be distorting her new life to family and friends to create an image that she is happy in her new life.

I don't think mine is happy. I still get a lot of blaming and projection about the divorce and she has been coming to my door all dressed up and looking nice and she has not dropped the kids at my place and ignored my presence for a year.

It's difficult and painful to think that she has moved on Arn. Your doing real work here. My apologies if I may be missing something, but your seeing a P, your in AA and have a sponsor, your getting support from a good friend of yours and your getting help and support on this forum. That is moving on in a a healthy way, but it will be painful.

I get triggered when I see the ex and the new guy and if I have to oppurtunity to not be around them or look them up on social networking, I don't do it. Everything is still fresh.

Hang in there Arn.

Thanks, Mutt. Thanks, Perf. Perf what did you mean when you said "But! You are experiencing more of the same.? Mutt, I haven't looked at her FB, people just tell me. I do tell them afterward s to no longer tell me about it, and they feel bad and understand. But ya'll are right, knowing this information will do me no good. Aww, hell, if I'm honest with myself, I'd probably jump back into the cycle of hell if she'd ask me to. Which means I have to double my efforts. I slacked on everything last week bc I had 4 tests. I smoked everyone of them, so I can coast the rest of the semester. I know what to do, and it takes action. In order for me to heal and not feel like this, I need to get back on that bull & ride that sumbhit. I can sit around and wish all day long NOT feel this way or I can take the only solution I know that has got me this far... . my actions will bring me peace. Working everyday make me a better human being, better than I was yesterday. That's the only shot I got at beating this thing... . my actions.

Congrats on acing the tests!  |iiii

What I said was that you are still going through the crappie mess of it all and the is ok. Perfectly understandable. It won't go away overnight and you just take all the time you need. It does and will get better. Better than you could have planned.

Arn.   Sad that the only solace is this.     What happened to you.   Will happen to him.   You know this.  If she is BPD.  Then.  He will be you.   But.  Don't live in her world.    Do not reach out.  Do not check up.    Expectation is the root of all heartache. Ccaccept rejection and loneliness and respect yourself.  It may be Two weeks or two years.  Your redemption will come.  But when you never expect it.  Work out.  Eat right.  Go to church.   Give it time.   

Thanks, Spartan.  The thing is, I'm stuck with her.  For the rest of my damn life, I'm stuck with her because we have a son(8) together.  I haven't called, texted, stopped by, emailed, nothing... . You know what that got me?  A temporary restraining order!  She is completely losing it!  You want to know what my mom got last week?  A temporary restraining order.  I mean if I was my replacement, I would be taking all these things as red flags... . but hell I didn't see any of them either 14 years ago... . oh, well... . it's just madness and I hate myself for being put into this situation!

Pff, arn, I would feel a knot in my stomach too.

Btw. I know these kind of not feeling so well. I got this immediately when my ex was in a certain attack-is-the-best-defense mode.

How is your mother dealing with it?