BPDFamily.com

Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting => Topic started by: Cipher13 on February 25, 2014, 06:15:53 AM



Title: At night she wake sme up to take her to the bathroom
Post by: Cipher13 on February 25, 2014, 06:15:53 AM
This is getting very old. She will wake me up in the middle of the night in a dead sleep so that I can walk her to the bathroom. Its right next to our bedroom. No tdoen the hall. Not down stairs. Might as well be in the bedroom with us. This has been going on for years but I want to put an end to it.  Its not just in themiddle of the night either. We will just get into bed and about 5 mins later she need sto go and asks em to take her. Because I have done this for so many years I feal I can't say no.

Has anyone else had a simialr issue?



Title: Re: At night she wake sme up to take her to the bathroom
Post by: Want2know on February 25, 2014, 06:32:47 AM
What is her reason for her wanting you to walk her to the bathroom?


Title: Re: At night she wake sme up to take her to the bathroom
Post by: maxsterling on February 25, 2014, 08:32:53 AM
I was going to say "that's extreme", but then again my GF has asked me to come with her when she does things that she normally could and should do for herself, such as shopping and walking to the corner to buy a soft drink.  I just think she hates being alone, always. And I probably enable it by agreeing.



Title: Re: At night she wake sme up to take her to the bathroom
Post by: Wrongturn1 on February 25, 2014, 09:09:52 AM
My uBPDw has asked me to accompany her to the bathroom in the middle night, but typically only after she has watched a scary movie before going to bed (just like a child might do I suppose).  Maybe try something in SET format along these lines that involves a cool gift:

"I love being near you and value the sense of closeness that we have.  I can tell that it's reassuring to you for me to be there with you at night when you get up to use the bathroom, and I'm sure it would feel unpleasant not to feel safe or cared-for when you get out of bed at night.  I care about how you feel during late-night bathroom trips and want to be here for you when you need me.  At the same time, I need my sleep in order to function during the day, and so I can't continue to wake up and get out of bed each time you use the bathroom.  Here's a special LED flashlight that I bought for you so that you know you are safe when you get out of bed during the night (pick out something she might like, maybe a pink flashlight or one with her name engraved on it).  You can keep this by your side of the bed to use whenever you have to use the bathroom."

Then be prepared to duck if she throws the flashlight at you. :)  But stand firm, you have a right to sleep uninterrupted.


Title: Re: At night she wake sme up to take her to the bathroom
Post by: maxsterling on February 25, 2014, 09:55:24 AM
Wrongturn - that post made me both laugh and cry.  It almost sounds like that is the way we would talk to our 5 year old children who have a bed-wetting problem.  I don't mind using SET on larger issues - but using the bathroom in the middle of the night?  That just kinda humbly illustrates just what we are dealing with and how much work is ahead of us


Title: Re: At night she wake sme up to take her to the bathroom
Post by: Wrongturn1 on February 25, 2014, 11:00:27 AM
Max: Agreed... . it does seem ridiculous to have to go to these lengths to be "allowed" not to have to wake up in the middle of the night for an unnecessary escort to the restroom.  The difficult thing is that people with BPD will escalate any conflict or disagreement into World War III... . so it often pays to use the tools.

Cipher: good for you taking steps to make changes.  When the status quo is not working, it's time to try something different!


Title: Re: At night she wake sme up to take her to the bathroom
Post by: Cipher13 on February 25, 2014, 11:44:17 AM
Excerpt
What is her reason for her wanting you to walk her to the bathroom?

I think a lot of it is pure fear of the dark. Its worse if we have just watched soemthing somewhat scary on TV. At that point she will leave the TV on a channel like the weather channel on mute or a nightlight. Even thougth the front door is double locked she opens the clostes door that would prevent the frotn door form opening easily. Also even after I have locked the doors will ask before bed if they are locked and if she still isn't sure she will check them... . I mean I will check them with her following me.

It does seem like the whole 5 year old afraid of the dark thing playing out. Funny that she doesn't like any bright light in the room ever even if reading or eating or something like that. The basement lights are ona dimmer and she keeps it half way at most when she is exercising. For her:  Complete dark = scary. Complete light = anoying?  For me: This situation = frustrating  Doen't get me wrong I'll take this over the yelling and name calling but this can wear on a person some times too.