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Title: She is playing games Post by: Allmessedup on February 25, 2014, 04:53:16 PM Bah!
6.5 weeks of no contact other than about exchanging items. I was already feeling down today. A low day but not awful. I blocked her from fb. Don't follow her on Instagram. But damn she just started following me on Pinterest. I got the notification while I was reading here. Got to see the profile picture that I freaking took pop up on the screen. Why the hell did she decide to follow me all of a sudden. I don't do a whole lot on Pinterest right now. I find I don't have the motivation for home improvement projects currently. However perhaps that is what she is seeking to find out? I almost always would delve into some massive project or another to keep from thinking before when we would recycle. This time I am focusing on me and my kids. She will be disappointed if that's what she is trying to see. I have pinned nothing except one quote about being gentle with oneself and one pin about building a garden bed for an upcoming project with my youngest. Ugggghhh I know I am reacting here. I know trying to figure her motivation is futile. But still it just threw me for a huge loop to be honest. She is going to see nothing about me via Pinterest but still. I really dobt need for this to be harder right now. Title: Re: She is playing games Post by: ynguns2 on February 25, 2014, 05:00:32 PM My friend I have been in your situation time and time again with my ex. these people cannot totally or fully understand their own lives let alone yours.
I advise you to continue the no contact and trust me I know it's hard because it has been six months and I still have feelings for my ex and I think it's more of why? did I stay so long and punish myself. I believe what one user had told me on here. He said we as people have a caring side that we have had since birth and as humans we are nurturing individuals. People like your ex and mine have a caring side but something in them that is deep rooted has them questioning their own identity and if they cannot figure themselves out how can we right? I would love to talk more God knows I have been through hell and back this year. I hope I was some help and please take my advice to heart for I am truly a caring person and want others not to suffer from what I had gone through. Title: Re: She is playing games Post by: seeking balance on February 25, 2014, 06:13:51 PM I know I am reacting here. I know trying to figure her motivation is futile. But still it just threw me for a huge loop to be honest. It's all new - of course it through you for a loop... . breathe - she cannot hurt you any more than this. The thing is - most likely, she had an emotion (who knows what honestly) and for HER you are both a trigger and a soothing figure depending upon her mood. Looking at you was not about you - it was her self soothing. In the same way you reacted by coming here (good job, healthy) she reacts to an intense emotion by finding you - not very healthy or kind (but heck, how many nons on here have been guilty of this too). In today's online world, this stuff happens - and we may feel scared/fear, but that fear is not real, it is residual stuff to process. Hang in there, SB Title: Re: She is playing games Post by: Allmessedup on February 25, 2014, 06:40:40 PM Thank you both for ur replies.
I was just blindsided by seeing her. Her picture she uses is one I took at the beginning of our relationship. It was like seeing it opened the flood gates to memories of happier times. And that hurts like crazy. I also find myself very much feeling like I do not want her to know anything about me right now. I am feeling very private and that that privacy has been violated. Part of me is still very vengeful. I could easily send hidden messages in the forms of quotes and such by pinning to my Pinterest feed. I am angrier than I thought I was. I also miss her way more than I thought I did. Your right, sb. She had her own self soothing reasons for deciding to all of a sudden to follow me again. I need to focus on my reaction to that. I feel almost like I am paranoid here. That she is spying on me for some reason. I am just anxious about it in a way I can't explain. More FOG I suppose. I thought I was doing so much better. But she still possesses a huge deal of power over me and I despise that. It is going to be a long night... . Title: Re: She is playing games Post by: seeking balance on February 25, 2014, 06:46:51 PM I hope you know everything you feel based on the circumstances is pretty normal for around here - of course you are angry, of course you feel violated, of course you may want to lash out and hurt the person who hurt you ... . this is all very reasonable emotions.
Anger is truly a mask (protection if you will) for the pain. By leaning into it, we can peel another layer of that pain away - let the tears fall, this can help you process this in a healthy way. , SB Title: Re: She is playing games Post by: Allmessedup on February 25, 2014, 07:10:34 PM Wise words sb
The anger is a mask for the pain I am feeling. Sigh It is a reaction... . a response. And I am the only one who controls my emotions. She didn't "make" me feel this way. She doesn't own my emotions. I need to feel them and let them go I needed that reminder... . Thank u |