BPDFamily.com

An hour ago, I replied to the Radical Acceptance message below.   I opened my heart to the universe, and said:

1. I accept myself unconditionally.

2. I accept others unconditionally.

3. I accept my life unconditionally.

Then, I breathed.

Thirty minutes ago, I got a call from ex-girlfriend, which ended in, "goodbye."   

Yes, I was blamed for the end of the relationship.  Yes, the whole 4-years was painted black.  Yes, she called herself broken.   

But --- here's the thing --- this time, I heard the "goodbye."

I'm 42-years-old, and hopefully many years ahead.   The key for me, here and now, is to move on.   I heard the "goodbye."

It's like everything has fallen away, and I'm standing in a field, and there's a road ahead.   I'm kind of scared, but I can deal with fear.   I'm kind of bruised, but I'm not broken.   

I'm not sure what to do with all of this.  But, I'm going to put one foot in front of the other.  And, I'll keep coming here to help others.

I'm glad to be among friends.  Thanks.

I have also heard the "goodbye"... . except it was I who said it.  His was more of: I am choosing her over you because you do not agree to allow me to cross your boundaries anymore, you do not allow me to lie anymore, you hold me accountable for my hurtful words and behaviors towards you.  I am choosing her because you have grown too strong for me and my illness to live with.

I am happy for us in this moment.  We heard the "goodbye" and are now open to new "hellos" :-)  Go us:-)

Wait up, ya'll... . I want to walk that road with you! Wait for me! Today I choose to let her go. U see, I'm standing in that field with ya'll, tears streaming down my face, scared to death, but hit it... . let's walk. I packed a tent.

 |iiii  :) :)... . Yay!  Smile on today :)

After the cleansing tears dry, that is.  You got this:-)

Thank you.  I am breathing in this moment.   And, I know you'll be here when I find it hard to breathe, and I hope you know I will be here when you find it hard to breathe!

Thanks, NYGirl!

Arn, we're here with you.   Thank you for being here with us.

Lettingo14, sometimes the best thing someone can give you is the gift of Goodbye.  Enjoy the journey my friend, now it's all about you!

Just wanted to say it's courageous to actually hear and accept something you didn't want. 

Take good care of you and be extra kind to yourself.

Good for you. I never heard goodbye... Not yet and I don't expect to. Who needs closure fro them anyway. I'm glad you made peace with yourself. That has too feel great.

I think your post just answered some really challenging questions for me regarding why my BP friend who has painted me Black and cut me out after a 'Gas-Light' episode and rage - I think it's because over the years, I have become more aware of her gas-lightin' and manipulation and will outwardly say so to her if she is being totally unreasonable (it is when I do this that the situation escalates incredibly quickly)  - So do you think once a non BP shows strength and calls the BP out on thier behaviour, that the BP then paints that person Black and cuts them out because in thier yeyes, the game is up so to speak?

Yes. Mine rejected resolutional conversation and raged/ended Peace Talks. Yet, a part of her wanted me to shut her down and put her in her place so badly (after which she'd turn eerily submissive). I could feel it and I experienced it many times through the years.

The thing is, I would be painted black for anything that didn't include bullying her -- be it attempting to calmly and pleasant validate, or disagreeing in an adult and civilized manner. ergo: standing up or being a doormat will both get you that black paint. Staying or leaving, the same. Even the bullying she craved got me painted black a few times (victimhood! Triangulation (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0)!).

The only way I won was when I stopped caring about her opinion of me. Which is hard, y'know, when you love and respect someone.

Very astute.  I also had to let go of how I "imagined" she thought of me. 

I made it a movie.  Turned down the volume.  Drained the color from it.  Pulled the camera way way way back, and let the credits roll.

Drama ended.

Drama ended... . sounds lovely!  I am still caught up in the final, emotional moments... . but, I think I see the credits.  I like the analogy LettingGo!

Ah, the movie story still haunts me sometimes, NYGirl!  But, I'm determined to let go.

I really,really like this:


That's the paradox isn't it? That accepting things as they are is what actually makes things change.