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Both my children are very sick and dBPDh has been out of town for 3 weeks!  His lack of concern over the children just totally pissed me off.  He will respond if I call or text him but doesn't reach out to check on them.  Usually he replied with a "Oh, no." and that was it.  When he is disconnected like this, he shows no connection or thought for anyone but himself.  After I texted him I was really disturbed by his behavior, he called me and proceeded to tell me all of his woes.  Just ridiculous, be a damn parent.  I can accept that he sucks as a husband but the really poor parenting pisses me off.  My kids would be better off without him, at all.  The lack of consistency and care, are disturbing.

That is their malady. When in dysregulation they must put themselves first, no matter what.

If radical acceptance seems too radical for this (I know you feel for your kids), you could try to make him agree to a daily token gesture towards the childrens' wellbeing. Either a text, call, card or gift each day he is away. Should be done at the same time each day. If you can make him do it, he may begin to "feel it."

There's a funny thing about rituals. When people do them, they start to believe in what they are doing.

Yes, I recognize that it is his illness.  He is  on his way home, although we are separated so it isn't like the children see him every day.  I request that he sees them consistently, though.  It is infuriating because he is constantly espousing how much he loves the kids, yet when it comes down to doing things for the children it is a struggle.  He called and video chatted 2 times after I got upset this morning.  I will just not tolerate the kind of indifference towards the children that he was displaying.  I am an adult and can handle it, they are not.