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My D19 is ending a two week diagnostic program tomorrow and it is being recommended that she attend one of two intensive residential dbt programs.  It has also come to light that she is self medicating with various substances although she of course insists that she does not have a problem.  I have decided to be firm and give her a choice of programs but not allow her the option of coming home with me.  The program where she is believes that she is not well enough to come home and is supporting me in this decision.  I am so afraid of what will happen to her if she refuses further treatment.  She doesn't have the skills (or the money) to live on her own at this point, I don't even think she would be able to keep a job.  I am so afraid of something happening to her, but I know that if she comes home nothing will change.  I'm tired of being afraid of her, walking on eggshells around her, and allowing her to manipulate everyone around her so I need to be strong.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

You are absolutely in my thoughts and prayers.  Stay strong - you are doing the right thing here and it's important to set boundaries and be firm with providing the necessary support when in this type of situation.  Keep your head up and be sure you take care of yourself.

femom. Keeping all of you in our prayers good luck stay strong

You are in my prayers also... .  

You are doing the right thing, femom.

femom,

You are doing the right thing. My SD22 was 19 when we became fully aware of her drug abuse and she had the option of a sober living house... . or not coming home. She is doing well, clean and sober for 3 years and we are seeing signs of actual maturity now.

It's hard, feels unnatural but it is soo important to break them out of their comfort zone *enabling zone*.

Best wishes for you and your daughter. Hang tough!

Thursday

femom - I am praying for your family.

This is a good plan, and now is the time. Things can get worse with time, and the adult child may build greater resistance to participating and get more entrenched in the substance use/abuse. Stay strong. You can do this.

qcr

femom,

I just noticed this thread.  I am a little late, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.  You re doing the right thing.  My uBPDd minimizes her self medication.  She chooses to smoke pot, daily.  She will not take her Effexor that is prescribed. 

You are so right in being firm.


peace

I am sad to say that we are still in a holding pattern trying to find a treatment plan that will take her.  It is absurd because she is willing to go, knows she has to go, yet the programs are saying that her attitude is not positive enough.  It seems she is being punished for the symptoms of her illness. I am so very grateful that my family is helping me keep her where she is so the diagnostic people are still working with us to secure placement and I am trying to be positive yet still firm in my resolve to not let her come back home to her old patterns.  Maybe tomorrow will bring a better result.

femom

Are you looking for a dual diagnosis program?  Stay strong.

femom - 

This is so very frustrating and discouraging. Prayers for an opening and acceptance for your D. While she has an open heart to doing treatment.

qcr

I am just now reading this, but sending my   to you and my prayers to heaven   for you and your family!  Please update us when you can.  We understand!

So we are between a rock and a hard place.  Program after program has rejected my daughter and we are running out of options.  She can't stay at the diagnostic program forever, so there may be no other choice than to have her come home and continue therapy, etc.

At this point it isn't that she won't go for treatment, but the complicated nature of her diagnosis is keeping her out of programs.

I am feeling so discouraged and hopeless.

femom - I too am very familiar with that tight crack in the rock. Feels like it is high on a cliff for me lately where any move is so scary of a fall.

Hang in there. I will keep praying for a path to open up for your family. Perhaps she is in a more aware place after this diagnostic time away. May I ask what the complications are preventing acceptance?

What kind of ongoing support would be available for you if she comes home? And I am talking about FOR YOU. Do you have a T, support for parents group, family T, understanding family/friends? Do you have other kids at home?

My BPDDD27 was released from jail into a residential dual-dx recovery facility yesterday as part of her probation (harrassment conviction by exbf). She was totally unstable and out of control last night when her probation officer called. She may not be able to stay in program, and there are no funds for a true psych facility that she needs to get stabilized. Because of the impacts on my gd8, who we are raising, DD cannot come to our home.

Let us know how things are going.

qcr

Dear femom

I just wanted to send my well wishes to you and your dd... . I have just seen this post and wanted you to know that I was thinking of you... . hang in there... .

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and kind words.  I am going to try to put this out of my mind over the weekend as I can't make any follow-up phone calls.  I'm planning to see friends tomorrow and planning to go on a long run on Sunday which usually clears my mind.  Thanks.

Thinking of you and your family femom at this difficult and frustrating time.  I hope you manage to have a restful weekend, very wise of you to do this, since there is nothing you can do for your dd  at the moment.

I sincerely hope some avenue opens up for your dd soon, as you say she is open to treatment, but is not getting it.  This can be so frustrating and heart-breaking, and I feel for you.

Saying a prayer for you, your family & your daughter... . stay strong

Femom - I would be more then happy to reach out for you to some resources in my network I have right now.  I've become somewhat entrenched with my DD's treatment in quite a circle of really helpful and solid professionals in the dual dx recovery field in both New England as well as California.

Are you looking for Dual Dx I presume not "just" DBT based?

Do you have geographic limitations or willing to send her wherever (opens a lot more options)?

Let me know if I can try to help.

I ran into a lot of that resistance with my DD because she was so non-compliant and finally found a place that welcomed it with open arms.  It's tough to find and they only accept under 18 adolescents but I'd be happy to make some calls and send some text messages to see if they have some recommendations for you.