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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting => Topic started by: ogopogodude on March 04, 2014, 02:58:40 AM



Title: NC feels so good: I no longer have the need to ask her to explain herself, etc
Post by: ogopogodude on March 04, 2014, 02:58:40 AM
It is wonderful to just move on... . My anger has diminished substantially. I always had this need, ... . this longing for me to not just approach her but to demand an explanation from her regarding her behaviour, and her outbursts, her alcoholism, her rages, the awful way she treated me as well as our children... .


Now I just don't give a crap anymore.

Is this this the beginning of a new beginning? Or the beginning of the end (of my urges to have her apologize to me?)... .

Whatever the case ambivalence sure feels good (when it is supposed to feel, well, ... . nothing)

Wait a minute, ... is this acceptance I am experiencing?


Title: Re: NC feels so good: I no longer have the need to ask her to explain herself, etc
Post by: ForeverDad on March 04, 2014, 11:16:21 AM
Could be, however I think you're just at a beginner level with more to go... . search on 5 stages of grieving a loss for more information.  These stages don't have to be accessed in the listed order, you may bounce around among them as in a pinball game. The point is to make progress overall and keep relapses as brief as possible.  It is a process, not an event.


Title: Re: NC feels so good: I no longer have the need to ask her to explain herself, etc
Post by: ogopogodude on March 04, 2014, 06:22:09 PM
Yeah , ... I figured it was too good to be true. (At this exact moment, ... I still have the feeling of not giving a sh!t about revenge, nor explanations, nor anything at all, ... just the feeling of "i'm single and lovin' it" ... . yeah, baby, ... no more being afraid of the angel of death... . )


Title: Re: NC feels so good: I no longer have the need to ask her to explain herself, etc
Post by: Mutt on March 08, 2014, 07:16:06 PM
It is wonderful to just move on... . My anger has diminished substantially. I always had this need, ... . this longing for me to not just approach her but to demand an explanation from her regarding her behaviour, and her outbursts, her alcoholism, her rages, the awful way she treated me as well as our children... .


Now I just don't give a crap anymore.

I think that I hit this stage recently ogopogodude. As ForeverDad stated, grieving is a process and there's no order with the different stages. I read TOOLS: Radical Acceptance for family members (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.0) because it was mentioned a few times on the boards. It's helped me with putting this traumatic event into perspective and move on.

My anger has subsided. I would say I still have resentment because of her impulsive actions and lack of foresight. I have finally accepted that her behaviors are a part of the disorder and I won't get an explanation, apology or remorse from her. It is what it is.

This is the first weekend in a long time that I have been able to enjoy peacefully. Perhaps even years. It feels like that because I'm not worried about her, I feel less anxiety. I don't know about you, but I plan on basking in the sun for awhile. I earned it after many years of FOG, anxiety and walking on eggshells and I'm pretty sure you have too. 






   



Title: Re: NC feels so good: I no longer have the need to ask her to explain herself, etc
Post by: ogopogodude on March 08, 2014, 07:19:26 PM
yes, ... I look forward to catching a few rays of sun in the upcoming spring. It will be a new beginning. One without the nonsense.