BPDFamily.com

It's 3 wk since sudden split.

I'm getting there slowly

A mutual friend told me today she had spoke to her about going for a meal and also how she has posted lots of pics on Facebook of her and her friends out clubbing it up.

I don't know why but got that horrible stomach feeling. Gutted. I know we are over but it just hurts. I'm still not sleeping while she out clubbing it up not a care in the world. It makes me think she probly got new man on the go already. I no it none of my buissness but it hurts.

It's just one if those days

I just want to be myself again

Hi Paul M. I'm sorry you are feeling like this. That's the thing about a r/s with a pwBPD, we become someone else for a while, but it will get better. The only thing we have is time and ourselves. It took me many months to mourn the loss of my r/s... . and this was with mine still living in my house, seeing her each darn day while knowing she was seeing someone else on the side. Now I mourn the loss of my intact family. Each week seems to get a little better. I backslide emotionally now and then, and that is ok.

Of course it hurts to be discarded, and possibly replaced so soon. Have you come across this article?

Ten Beliefs That Can Get You Stuck (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm)

"Absence may makes the heart grow fonder when a relationship is healthy – but this is often not the case when the relationship is breaking down.

People with BPD traits often have object permanence issues – “out of sight is out of mind”. They may feel, after two weeks of separation, the same way you would feel after six.

Absence generally makes the heart grow colder."

This might not lessen the pain right now, but at some point, I think in detachment, our brains and our hearts begin to come together again. I can't say when, as it's different for each of us. In the meantime, we are all here for you.

One thing I would advise is to tell this friend, or others, to not update you on what your xgf is doing. If it triggers your pain, then it's not a good thing, is it?

Hi Paul M,

I'm so sorry you are feeling low.  I certainly know that gutted feeling, and it's really understandable and normal to feel that way. 

If you can let yourself feel the feelings, that will really help your recovery.  It's not easy, but so worth it.

Three weeks is pretty fresh.  My breakup with pwBPD was sudden, too, and it hurt like hell at first, but things really do get better with time and support. 

Do you have a therapist and people supporting you? 

Hang in there and keep writing.  We're here for you.