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with her bday coming up this week, I have thought a lot about her, since last year, we spent that time together, and we really had a great time on her bday, so I just felt I should get my thoughts out her.  I wish I wasn't thinking about it so much, I know that time spent, probably didn't mean to much to her, just another moment in life, but I do feel better posting here.

Hi eclectic,

Good.  Keep posting here, we're happy to have you.  :)

It's normal to think about her and remember the good times.  I'm glad it was nice experience for you. 

Have you been separated for a year, eclectic?

Yes close to a year, since May, we spoke a couple months ago, she called, I was very surprised to hear from her, we just asked how one another was doing and that was it, that was back in Dec.  Overall, I'm doing really good, just with her bday coming up, she has been on my mine heavy

hi eclectic,

I think is reasonable to feel how you feel... . don't try to change your wish. I can share what my T has said to me:

Is ok to think about my ex, is nothing wrong with that as long as I don't hold any judgement towards my thinking, in other words, don't feel bad about it. what I do, is Accept that I think about her in special moments, and let the thought go when i had enough of it... .

keep posting and sharing!

are you planning to keep yourself busy with something you enjoy the day of her bday?

Eclectic, sorry to hear how the upcoming bday is affecting you. I have a similar situation; my ex's bday will be in May; only two weeks after we celebrated that occasion last year, she canned me out of the blue. I'm already thinking the not-so-merry month of May even though it's nearly three months away.

Let me guess; if you were together for a number of years, you always tried to make her birthday special, and in the beginning she did too, but more recently maybe not so much. I'm also guessing you're tempted to send her a card or extend some kindly gesture simply because you're a decent person. I know I am tempted, because last fall mine sent me a card despite not seeing me all summer. All advice says no contact, but it's very, very tough. Being advised to let that day pass without contact is tough for a number of reasons. One is that you may beat yourself up for

repaying coldness with coldness. Another is the contrast beteen how happy that day used to make you feel and where you are now. A third is that by letting the day pass, it further underscores the reality that "it's over."

I'm nine months out and I dreaded each calendar month because there's something big in each one: vacation, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Super Bowl, and many more. I noticed, however, that once I passed each milepost, my awful feeling about it lessened. I'm inclined to think that the second year through will be less traumatic. I think if we can survive the first year things should begin to feel better.

There was a good feature article posted yesterday about how to train your brain and its memory files to deal with these situations. I found it helpful. It led me to believe that the more I attack my emotional mess with creativity and humor, the better my chances are of healing. I hope you'll look it up.

Please hang in there and know that you're not alone. Try to do something nice for yourself on that special day if you can.