BPDFamily.com

  The devil was out and saw a little country church up on the hill and decided to have some fun.   He rushed in, flames billowing and screamed!   The church congregation ran out frightened for thier lives.   The devil walked around inside the church rather proud of what he had done when he spotted an old man just sitting there.   The devil walked up and yelled "boo" and the old man just sat.   The devil ask the old man, ":)o you know who I am?", the old man nodded but just sat.   Confused, the devil asked "Why aren't you afraid of me?".   The old man looked at the devil and said  "I've been married to your sister for nearly 40 years!"

I often feel like this.  What happened to the woman I married 12 yrs ago?   Rather than getting better with therapy, meds, DBT, she seems to be getting worse.   I sometimes think she enjoys the attention, drama, using the illness as an excuse for not doing anything. 

I'm sure many of you have the same sentiments.   


Hydroman

In a way that's where you end up when you're unable to change. You have to make the best of what you have, and all you have is your old evil self.

Even though many people with BPD do get worse with age (this I can testify myself), it's a bit of an illusion I'm afraid. When I met my wife 20 years ago I was willing to look past a lot of things because of her age and her beauty - and propably because of my own lower standards at the time.

My wife has the body of a woman in her middle age but the mind of a girl in her younger teens. And teenage girls has a lot of flaws that you willingly look past because you know it's a phase. They'll get over it. The vanity, the self-centeredness, the drama, the manipulation... . a few years down the line and they will learn it's not functional.

My BPDwife is stuck in her teens. She knows this and she hates it.

The woman I married 20 years ago is till there, but the guy I was 20 years ago has most certainly moved on.

Yes, My wife was 22 when we were married.  She had a successful start to her career, kept herself in great shape, did volunteer work, and had a strong faith commitment.  In other words, she seemed that she was together.  There was a tremendous amount of drama in our early conflict, outbursts of temper in our early days, stuff I had never experienced.  So I rationalized, she was young, she had a temper, etc. 

Fast forward 25 years, the same drama, the same temper but now mixed in with personal attacks and vindictiveness.  So we get the emotional control of the teenager with all the nastiness that  an adult that has lived with you for 25 years can muster.

lol  I was also remembering that joke this morning and thinking of my wife in reference to that sister.

The devil must have a lot of siblings. 

That's my life... . right down to 20 years. 

I did look past a lot of stuff initially - due to her age, her spunk, and she was just as cute as could be.  But tha only lasted so long and the "real her"  came to the front.  Thought it was me.  Thought I was being to rigid or "logical" or non-emotional.

Nope.

Cause if it were me - with all the stories I have been reading here... . then I have to be in everyone elses lives at the same time (or we are all clones).

When I stumbled onto this group and have been reading and reading... . and reading... . I get calm.  Not because what has happened to me and what has happened to everyone else is calming.  It is just "good to know" I'm not the only one who went through the EXACT same experience.  It even surprises me we all tend to use the EXACT same words.

In our youth we think we know everything and have yet to be proved wrong. 25 years on and if you have had a lifetime of failures heaped on the top of that proving you are wrong. Endless rejection and invalidation, this breeds the bitterness and denial that can make things even worse.

Their targets are not just wrong but also now being held accountable for ruining their lives. The gap between who they really are and their facades grow greater with age.

Great Point!

 


Sorry for getting my quotes out of order:

Hydroman, today is my 11th anniversary.  Inside I am sickened by the tragedy that is mine, but as I have read the boards, I have formed an opinion like hergestridge:

In my case, there is a prematurely frozen immature emotional state.  The outside ages, abut the inside is locked.  My BPDw has a mother who is the exemplar of the family:  married the father of my wife who was the second guy she ever dated.  My MIL met him at age 15 and got married at age 22.  No other social or life experiences, no other intimate partners dated.  She is emotionally locked at 15 and had raised a very dysfunctional family, i.e.: my wife is the oldest of three.

Other folks here have a promiscuously-frozen behavior pattern.  It is interesting to read the guiltlessness those BPD'ers have, yet they are heap the blame and shame upon us.  

We are all in the same lifeboat here on this board.  It's a good place to be.

Helps us from goin' crazy.

And I understand it's me who has to change.  Like I needed more to be heaped upon me, but it a solution.

Hydroman... .

Thanks for the levity. We all need it when dealing with the one who has possible BPD patterns. The joke is appreciated and now that I know what I am dealing with, I can laugh with it because of how it rings so true to life.

Yes... . What happened to the woman I married 32 years ago. Unfortunately for me, it took those 32 years of pain and torture to realize that it (the possible BPD) was there all along. I was just too in LOVE to be realistic about the signs of her abuse and low self worth to realistically step back and ask myself what the hell was going on here and that I didn't need to take all of it on by myself.

Now I can see it for what it is (and was) and not take it so personally. It's not me.

It's the devil's sister after all! Come and get her, devil. She's yours.