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Title: She has agreed to meet me-nervous Post by: lever. on March 07, 2014, 04:45:59 AM Following the letter asking me to explain myself I sent a brief response. Thanks to your advice I avoided JADEing and just said that I loved her but recognised that she was angry with me and if she wasn't ready to re-connect with me that was okay, . I would love to have a relationship with her and the GC if but would accept her decision.
Got a text this morning, she is in the area visiting friends and could meet me for a coffee at 4.30pm (that will be late morning for my friends in the States). DH not keen on me going, says she needs to apologise to her sister or we will be caught between them in the future. Tried to remind him that she has a disabillity and explained some of the things in Valerie Porr's book. He listened a bit and I told him that I'm meeting her anyway as it is very important that I see the grandchildren and I want to be in contact with DD in any case. It is probably too late to seek support from most of you as you will be asleep. I'm very nervous. Afraid that she will rage at me and flounce off. I know that it won't actually harm me and we'll be no worse off, but I still dread it. I will try to remember what I have learned on here, no JADEing, lots of validation SET~ but can I do it. I have only been on here since Christmas. Wish you were available to role play it. Wish me luck I'll be back later. It is wonderful to find on here people who understand, I have seen so much that is almost identical to what I have experienced. Title: Re: She has agreed to meet me-nervous Post by: sadandscared on March 07, 2014, 06:26:27 AM I wish you the best of luck with your meeting today. Sometimes when I'm with my daughter things go so good and we laugh. She's actually very funny when she's in a good mood! It's a surprise when things go good but it's also what keeps me going. Have a great day!
Title: Re: She has agreed to meet me-nervous Post by: jellibeans on March 07, 2014, 09:39:39 AM lever
I hope your meeting goes well... . try not to anticipate trouble... . the worrying does nothing to help the situation. Try tomake th emeeting light and take time to answer... . let her do a lot of the talking... . I think sometimes this is what the pwBPD needs... . they need to express themselves fully because they feel we are not listening... . let her talk and you listen... . when she is talked out you can add to the conversation by validating what she said... . I do hope it goes well... Title: Re: She has agreed to meet me-nervous Post by: Pizzas123 on March 07, 2014, 10:57:40 AM I am wishing you a good, positive day with your daughter. You deserve it and I very much hope for it. The communication skills I have learned here have helped me with my daughter, and I wish the same for you.
Good luck! |iiii Title: Re: She has agreed to meet me-nervous Post by: lever. on March 07, 2014, 12:55:59 PM Well, I'm back. It was mixed.
I listened a lot and eventually she started crying rather than raging and asking why she was second best and we loved her sister more. Although I know this isn't the case it was easier to validate the feelings. I have an arrangement to visit the grandchildren the week after next, so that's a success. I was able to shift my own perspective on some things which have happened in the past. However she is already setting up situations which she thinks will force me to "show where my loyalties lie". I feel more equipped to handle this now. I see where DH is coming from.~ Although I have been upset we have had a couple of months of peace and now it will change, but personally I'm happy with the outcome. Thank-you for your help, without it I would have been JADEing away and could have lost contact with the GC. Those of you with adolescents do be reassured that although there are still difficulties this is a vast improvement. |