BPDFamily.com

I just wanted to start off and say that I'm sorry for not being able to respond to people's replies to my posts lately! I'm a second-semester senior that is doing clinical experiences and working a job, on top of being involved, so I have been immersing myself in my work and barely getting sleep, but it has brought me total happiness to get involved, meet new people, and focus on me. Hopefully, I can find time to be more active on the forum. :)

With that said, I just wanted to talk about my experiences lately... .

Sunday will mark one month NC and in the past month, I haven't seen him once, though we live in the same apartment complex and go to the same college, attending buildings right next to each other. I thought it quite a miracle, honestly.

Then, this past Wednesday, as I'm walking to my car to meet my guy friend and give him his cookie cake I bought him for his birthday, I see him drive by me as I'm reaching my friend in the parking lot. Then, as my friend and I reach my car together, he's driving by us on the other side to exit the parking lot. It was like torture, as I only first realized it was him because he whizzed by me because I was close to the road and I finally saw his personalized tag.

I thought it was odd that it finally happened, but I didn't think much of it.

Then, Thursday, I am at this local gas station near our university and I'm trying to pay for my gas before I pump it and the system glitches, causing me to stand and wait on the cashier, thinking they would finally approve me. Then never do and after about 5 minutes, I go inside, only to wait another 5 minutes in line. As I head out into the rain and back to my car, GUESS who was at the pump right beside me, pumping his gas? In the moment that I'm coming up on him from behind, my heart sank. I kept my eyes forward and didn't look at him - though he had his back to me anyways - and I went to my car and started pumping my gas, avoiding eye contact. As soon as I start pumping my gas, he stops and hops into his SUV. There was probably a 1-3 minute time gap there and I finally finish up and hop in my car. He is still sitting at the pump. I pull away from the gas station and he's still sitting at the pump. It was so weird. I get to the charity event I was headed to and something told me to check Whisper, this anonymous app we both use to post our secrets and he's posted something right after the gas station meet. The background is this pain-stricken face in agony with black eyes and it says, "I need help... . BAD". I am beginning to wonder if he didn't jump in his SUV and act like he was frozen there because I'm now a trigger? Maybe that's what his whisper was about.

Anyways, I didn't let it bother me and put it behind me and have a good night.

Then, today, I'm giving my same guy friend a ride back to his dorm room and low and behold, guess who is pulling out in front of me on the highway?

I don't know, but I guess I just question why NOW do I have to see him three days in a row? I didn't even see him around when we were talking. I was doing good and starting to put him out of my mind. Sometimes I think God has a sense of humor. That, or he's trying to torment one of us and I don't think it's me. Maybe he has a purpose for him seeing me... . ?

Anyways, I just wondered if anyone has gone through something similar. This happened with my first boyfriend too. We met each other in the lobby several times a week for almost a month after we broke up. Maybe it's just my bad luck? Lol.  

Yeah,

Same(ish) thing!

I have been catching up with old (and making new) friends at the church services that I used to attend with my BPDexgf... .   It's full of 20 and 30 somethings, full of life and good fun... .   so it brings some happiness ino my life.

I've been trying to sneak in and out a little late and a little early so as to miss her, but the one night I had a 'feeling' she was in the stalls, I left mid-way through and there she was in the foyer... .   there's about 800 people at each service and 4 services a Sunday, so this was about a 1:2500 chance! 

I just walked (away) from her, but it was a strange feeling that after 5mths NC we both still 'existed'... .  

Now?  Well I'm arond her neck of the woods with my job and the chances of us bumping into each other are probably high... .  

TBH though, I'm getting to the place where i'll no longer care -for a simple reason.  In my heart I know nothing's changed for her... . she's still in her room, very poorly, not making any effort to work, basically living a gilded existence on someone else's money.  That's not the GF I want! 

In my life, 'fate' ALWAYS gives another meeting with an ex.  There's always that next meeting by chance, could be weeks, months, years... . and if you are religious, maybe it's God's way of giving one final chance for peace and reconciliation... .

Don't hold your breath though... .   because you need both the chance and the person to be sufficiently 'better' regarding their emotions.

Life your life and don't worry about the ex.