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I am sitting here, in 'my' room with no reminders of my ex.  I have this room exactly as I want it as I redecorated when he left.  I have the tv off, my candles burning and my scented oils making the place smell nice.  All things he wouldn't have liked and that I would have given up to please him.

I just had a moment of realisation that it is lovely and peaceful here now.  I am calm, happy and relaxed.  It has been a long time since I felt like this in my own home!  I like it and I hope it continues.

I wanted to share this, so that anyone having a bad day can see that there are better times to come.  I still have bad times but today has been a good day.  Hopefully, the good days will be more frequent and the bad days will become less  |iiii

I threw out all of her stuff yesterday... Cloths , shampoos , trinkets she gave me and even a mirror she let me have . I bought all new tooth brushes and soaps . Even though she didn't live her ... . she was here with all that stuff. I did notice I felt better because I didn't see any of her stuff in here anymore ...

I have spent the last few months getting rid of things that belonged to him or reminded me of him.  But it's still tough sometimes because I come across something tucked away somewhere and it makes me feel sad again.  In fact, some notes etc. were in strange places, almost as though he hid them before leaving, knowing it would be a while before I found them!

Anyway, this evening has been the first time I feel truly happy and content with my life the way it is now.  There is still a lot I have to sort out and I still have problems, but I can appreciate that I am living 'my life' now, not his which is what I had been doing for the last few years.  I spent too long trying to keep him happy at the expense of my own happiness and that of my children.

Pleasing myself is actually quite nice!   :)

Good for you... !  I, too, have lit a whole bunch of candles everywhere and it feels so relaxed and calm. This was my signature when I would get home, as I would light a few candles (to remind me of my deceased father).

Thank you… Nature abhors a vacuum.  I always felt ‘punished’ by my exuBPDgf every time she’d split (left) – but – I'd also feel an instant relief!  ... . But will eventually drift back to the longing … then I come here – read near identical accounts of how bad it was, and continue to leave that ‘hole’ in my life…  But with time, that hole naturally begins to fill with the love and company of friends & family.  I suspect a divot will always remain, a scar of sorts, but that’s likely the price of wisdom - if not freedom :) 


Good move, and that definitely helps.  Mine must be constantly haunted by a house full of projects and built-in items she can’t remove because they’re an integral part of ‘her place’ ... . if further evidence of how much more I did for her than she for me… 

With the multiple dumps & recycles of our botched relationship, I’d already chucked some special objects she’d given me …then very much regretted it after ‘reconciling’… then chucked even more after her next dump.  I’m down to very little.  Hell, I even burned my book by Randi Krueger on living with BPD’s   …I’d read it twice and highlighted so much I didn’t think a library would want it.  But I’m done. 


My exuBPDgf would place candles everywhere …as we once learned the ... hot way that placing them on the headboard of a bed wasn’t very smart   Now, when my daughter lights candles around our house, I cringe with BPD memories.  But maybe that loving and stable daughter is slowly desensitizing me to candles.  Let’s hope – as it sounds like most women love them :)