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I'm not sure I can continue to blame the miserable state I'm in on her. I mean, don't people move on by now. I still miss her terrible and she is all I think about.

This is a problem. She is the worst person I know. I mean this literally. Not only that, the person that I tried to see in her. The one I adored, seems to no longer exist. She seems to have a new life now and hates me.

I don't know what to do. The silence, the boredom... I guess time takes time but I'ts been long enough now. I sure would like to talk to her. 

She treated me awful, make no mistake. Worse than I've ever heard of. But there were time when she was perfect. It's been all I could do to not call her. Last time I did that it was bad. I have to think she is missing me too. Life is too short for this.

I also get those same feelings where I want to reach out to my ex at times, but I also realize I've been looking at the relationship through rose-coloured glasses. That's when I have to remind myself of all the selfish one-sided stunts my ex pulled while we where together. So far that's what has helped me overcome the urge to re-engage her.

I've also been told that focusing more on work, picking up a hobby, volunteering, spending more times with friends, or anything else that gets your mind off of your ex will help towards alleviate the loneliness that results from missing her. You may even want to look into getting a few sessions of counselling to help get past this.

In the end, you're the only one who can decide whether it's worth it to re-enter an abusive relationship. Personally, I can't tolerate living with someone who is selfish and abusive, so anything I can do to add just one more day towards staying NC, will go towards my goal of  never getting back with my ex.

Sorry to hear this, buddy, yes, weekends can be hard. Having more time to think about... .

Its good to write this down. Silence and boredom are not easy to deal with. Our brain doesn't like it... .

do you have something to keep you busy? Perhaps you can start something new? Learning something? Exercising?