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Title: Gambling and Children Raised by BPD People? Post by: PleaseValidate on March 08, 2014, 11:00:02 PM I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that intense fear of "WOW what will it be today?" I'm just now realizing that the first 20 years of my life was an unintentional 24/7 intermittent reinforcement "behavior plan."
Intermittent reinforcement is also what casino slot machines use which makes gambling so addictive. Last week i finally listened to a voicemail from her that had been there for a week. I avoided it prior since it was never a good time to get enraged and/or depressed. And then . . . . i'm in a casino (of all places) and finally hear it. Luckily, she only wanted to fix me up with her plumber. (I felt i kinda "won!" *exhale*) This was the first time i realized that the same adrenaline rush i get from gambling when i'm anticipating the outcome, is the exact same rush i'd get anticipating the outcome of her mood and/or reactions. My body would automatically spring into that same flight/fight state. So i guess what i'm wondering . . . . Does anyone else recognize themselves repeating and/or seeking out this intermittent reinforcement you were raised with? Does anyone feel they are "adrenaline junkies?" I'm not saying that my upbringing or serendipitous behaviorism caused this, i'm just pondering the correlation . . . . Gambling has always been a hobby in her family. So I do think there is at least some genetic and/or social causation. (The odd thing is that she is the ONLY one who DOESN'T LIKE to gamble!) Title: Re: Gambling and Children Raised by BPD People? Post by: Sitara on March 09, 2014, 11:22:36 AM Excerpt Does anyone else recognize themselves repeating and/or seeking out this intermittent reinforcement you were raised with? Does anyone feel they are "adrenaline junkies?" No, I went the exact opposite way. Inconsistency and people who don't follow through on what they say drive me nuts. Instead I found myself attracted to manipulators and one-sided relationships. Title: Re: Gambling and Children Raised by BPD People? Post by: PleaseValidate on March 10, 2014, 12:16:03 AM Excerpt Inconsistency and people who don't follow through on what they say drive me nuts. Instead I found myself attracted to manipulators and one-sided relationships. I ABSOLUTELY feel this way re people and have always been attracted to consistently good ones. It's just this one area I'm wondering if it has anything to do with upbringing... . Actually I guess another area too. I've always been attracted to "emergency" or first responder type jobs. Maybe some sort of rush w organized chaos? Or a need to "fix" it? |