BPDFamily.com

I do\have plan on signing\retaining with a lawyer this\next week to begin the divorce proceedings.  I am still in the house... . so I am unfortunately still too connected to my bBPDw.

Recently, the contact the we have had is polite, kind, respectful, and caring. Many of all the boundaries I have attempted and then resulted in conflict she claims to accept and, she even mentioned some that I have forgotten about.  I asked about a few issues of the past and she says "I do not care about those things any more, I want our marriage to work so we can do things your way."

I have experienced, read, and understand that these cycles happen with BPD's.  For a lack of a better way to explain and the proper term, when these times "normalcy" were 6-7 of 10, the weekend it was a 11. 

I have no plans on changing my mind on filling in the near future, but right now I feel overwhelmed and frightened.  These times of push\pull, splitting, detaching, etc, suck.  My personal T has not been been helpful and I plan on switching when I can find one, I do not think they have much BPD experience.

What are the most simple or best resources for me, I feel frozen?

So you are determined to end the marriage?

But you are still living with her?

Why not move out and minimize contact?

Staying around her during this time - especially if she figures out you are moving ahead with the divorce - is very risky.  At any minute she could call 911 and accuse you of something - hurting her or the kids (do you have kids?) or threatening her in some way.

If that happens - and many of us here have experienced it - you will be considered guilty to proven innocent.  It's a very unpleasant experience and it will have big long-term consequences.

The only good way to avoid false accusations is to not be around her without a non-family adult third party present.

Mike76, this sounds like the time to be getting your gear together for the next storm. Mine does the same thing, let down my guard, I found her car accelerating toward me in the driveway suddenly.  Really, her goals can be an attempt to get you to drop security, jokingly talk to you, or get you to do anything to give her an edge.  The above advice being specific to BPD's not knowing yours of course.

When we were separate in house, looking for her place, she has an aura of civility. I know your feeling. You also seem to be potentially getting lured back in romantically, is that her possible goal?

These are good times to get 3rd parties to review your motives, strengthen your resolve (to do whatever you plan to do). Just like in active conflict, indecision is bad.  Good luck.

Therapists do not recognize BPD in my area, around 5 have been involved in our matter; only one sternly recommended action (to separate) toward me (with no recognition of BPD), at least two others flatly deny the disorder and/or fully believe her nonsense.  Your buddies at work can do better, and they are free.