BPDFamily.com

My relationship with my BPDex caused me to shun a handful of things I really enjoyed in the past. The two main things were boxing (the first time she triggered was during a pay per view match we ordered) and sex. Recently, I have found myself regaining interest in these two things. I am curious... .

Do any of you have similar experiences? If so, what are they and what have you done to regain interest in them again?

I have severe issue with this, since we used to do everything together. It feels like the whole world is made of jagged glass. For the first few weeks, I caught myself expecting she'd be there when I'd turn my head.

I've found in the past that this can go away or worsen with time and actions. The things you enjoyed are yours and can be again. Finding a way to be in those situations without connecting them to her is the very best thing I can do. I've had a fair bit of CBT, so I'm falling back on those methods, and it helps. I've also been reading the article on emotional memory, and it has also seemed to help a great deal.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103393.0

When I encounter something (nearly everything) that triggers my wife's face or memories of our doings, I think of her as a "snot nosed brat." It may be a bit petty, but it stops me from taking her so seriously. The more I think about the strange behaviors the more I see that there's no connection between my enjoyment of things and her being there. If that doesn't work, I just tell myself to stop and I try to pay attention to objects in the surroundings, the way light hits that glass of water, the particular color of things, or smells and sounds. I try and push out every other thought.

The thing I'm trying to do is minimize what she meant to me and try not to have that feedback loop where i have unfinished conversations in my head and ruminate on what I could have done differently. She just doesn't matter that much. She's an empty shell of a person that pretended to have my values and interests for a while. What she's done is sad, her life is sad, but it's not my responsibility.