BPDFamily.com

When I read about some of the things people dealt with in regards to the reactions of their BPD partners i can see myself sometimes

When i was lied to, cheated on, chain yanked, triggered by strange behavior,humiliated in public,  avoided for days, waiting for hours waiting for him to show up every time he came to my place, waiting for hours for him to call while he kept texting me asking me to wait for five more minutes, then ten more and 15 more minutes while he finished his dinner, cleaned up the dishes , on and on until he was finally ready to talk in the evening when he was the one who decided on the time in the first place to make the call or when he was going to arrive. I always felt set up.

And when i took my power back and tried not to be affected or if i ever, ever didnt respond to him immediately it was a completely different story.  he would get very upset.

When I was strong i was called a power ranger or a b*$ch and made fun of.

I FELT CRAZY SOMETIMES!   I got upset... . i called him over and over again when he gave me the silent treatment for days... . i couldn't understand what i did to make him go away all of the time and the more upset i got the more he punished me.

I tried to have healthy conversations with him about how to  deal with these issues but he repeatedly continued to function this way. and guess what... . so did I

When i asked him how he managed a job being late all of the time he said its because he would have been fired if he was late.  He said i needed to be bold and take a stand. But if i brought things up he would abandon me and that hurt too much.

It was a no win situation always.

I'm sorry you went through that; I thought I was literally going insane and I can totally relate.  It was impossible to have an adult relationship with these people, and we both gave up.  Good for us!

When i asked him how he managed a job being late all of the time he said its because he would have been fired if he was late.

Guess he didn't realize he would eventually be fired for being late with you too.  Painful I know, excruciatingly painful, but rationally you know it was the right thing to do, yes?

Yes,

there is no other choice. Someone had to completely stop it.

Even tho he was texting me all of the goodbyes etc, he was still sending me hearts . Always confusing.

I had enough. 

Trying to have healthy conversations that always seemed like we were getting somewhere didnt seem to get very far if at all.  He was always good at making it sound like we were really making progress and having some real breakthroughs but it either didnt last long or not at all.

I wasnt the only one affected by his behavior.

His daughter was always on edge and angry with him

His friends commented on his behavior too

So I did stop taking it so personally after a while when i learned that they too struggled.

But that didnt take it all away.  Im human after all and i loved him and spent alot of time with him so i was affected on a daily basis.

thank you for your reply and support

So I did stop taking it so personally after a while when i learned that they too struggled.

That is critical in detaching, realizing he has a mental illness and anyone who enters his sphere closely enough will be exposed to it.  I was very much in love with her, the relationship was real for me, and it was, and still is, shocking to me that I could get in so deep emotionally with someone who absolutely didn't go there with me, in fact had an entirely different experience of the relationship than I did, and I didn't know it.  I cut myself some slack because I got lost, which is pretty common when we fall in love, and I didn't know BPD even existing never mind knowing what it was all about, but the whole experience has been sobering and eye opening.  Take it easy on yourself and know what you had was real to you, but a healthy relationship with that is impossible.

dear from heel to heal

I hear you.  I get it

i was very much in love with him too and his words never matched his behavior so i was confused and told that i was  limited in what i understood about love. he said that i was always looking and measuring from my perspective of what i felt love was.   the feeling of love is always different for every individual  and i do have the maturity to understand this .  he claimed his love  was more mature  and that he expressed it differently and that i just couldnt understand this. his love never felt real, i also remember feeling loved by other partners and it felt real ... . so... . kinda thinking that he may have been playing with me there.