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David Brooks wrote a column published in today's New York Times called <a href="www.nytimes.com/2014/03/14/opinion/brooks-the-deepest-self.html?ref=davidbrooks">"The Deepest Self."[/url]

One paragraph stood out for me, and I wanted to share with the community, especially those of us in L6, taking personal inventory.   This, I think, is the silver lining of our suffering.

"So much of our own understanding of our depth occurs later in life, also amid suffering. The theologian Paul Tillich has a great essay in “Shaking the Foundations” in which he observes that during moments of suffering, people discover they are not what they appeared to be. The suffering scours away a floor inside themselves, exposing a deeper level, and then that floor gets scoured away and another deeper level is revealed. Finally, people get down to the core wounds and the core loves."

Totally agree with this.  Another metaphor, popular in the AA recovery community, is the peeling of an onion; as layers of the onion are removed, another layer under it is exposed, and on and on to our core.  More shall be revealed.

The part about discovering I'm not what I thought I was has been nothing short of shocking for me.  I'd been living an illusion for years when I met her, and that avoidance of my real self, although I wasn't aware I was avoiding anything at the time, did nothing but add to the dysfunction in the relationship.  Very sobering when doing my best just wasn't working and I had no choice but to peel that onion and dig deeper.  The good news is each time I've done that in the past and weathered it life has gotten better, and this one was a doozy, so I look forward to the new me on the other side.

Thanks, LettingGo, for this wonderful insight from Paul Tillich.  You are inspiring me to dig out my old copy of "Shaking the Foundations"!  LJ

Nice, LJ.  I am going to have to find a copy.

good stuff Letting Go!

Reminded me of the Elizabeth Gilbert quote about soul mates:

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master... . ”

Hmmm... . then perhaps my ex was my soul mate after all... .

The quote is most certainly true... . and in some odd way this helps tonight.

Thanks sb

Seeking Balance:

that was deep regarding soul mates! Great qoute: thanks for sharing that one... .

LettingGo,

This is a great quote and appreciate you sharing. I have a question though... . what is a "Core Love"? My guess is that Core Love is love of thyself.

Thanks

That's a great question. The Elizabeth Gilbert quote posted by Seeking Balance suggests that something fundamental is revealed after heartbreaks like these -- we are shaken up, torn apart, and ultimately transformed.   I read somewhere that gemstones can be hidden deep in the earth for centuries unharmed -- yet, when found, dazzle.   I think the "core love" of anything is the hidden gemstone, the fundamental point of reference.   I've been reading a lot about the Buddhist's lately, and "radical acceptance" means unconditional self acceptance, unconditional other acceptance, and unconditional life acceptance.    Not sure I've internalized any of it yet, but I know I've been smacked awake and torn apart, and I'm ready to begin.