BPDFamily.com

How many of you have had the experience of either having your BPDSO attacking a friend or relative for exhibiting traits of BPD?   

Even better, have you ever gotten into an argument with your SO and tried to defend your own actions, thoughts, deeds, or words as normal behavior and been attacked for it, then later had your SO talk about a situation where they use the exact same defense for their own behavior or the behavior of others?   

For instance, my SO has attacked me in the past for how I've dealt with a problem between two people in our life and explained to me why it is unacceptable.    My SO recently described someone handling a problem the exact same way I've been handling it and defended THEIR handling as "the way someone should handle it."   There seems to be ZERO realization that the two situations are equivalent, or that your SO is being a hypocrite. 

I just find it amazing that there is a genuine seeming lack of selfawareness of the conflicts in their own logic. 

mssalty... .

Get used to it. I've experience the same things. Tonight, as a matter of fact.

There seems to be a hyper-awareness that every one around them is "up to something" behind their backs. Yes... . My SO had done exactly the same thing to me many times as you accurately described. And yes, it they have no conception or realization that they do this.

I just see it coming and poise myself for my big let down once I see it in action and I just say to myself... . "Here we go again!"

With this disease, no, this madness... . I've come to expect that the only thing that changes about this disease is absolutely nothing. Since they can't possibly see anything is wrong with them... . then there is nothing for them to change.

I am no longer amazed or surprised by any of this... . only disappointed by the fact that this person cheats themselves out of a full life of acceptance and love when they are critical and belittling of everyone who cares about them.

And the other thing I am disappointed by is this: WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP PUTTING UP WITH THIS?

Sorry... . mssalty... . Just a little bumbed out that nothing will ever change with this crap... . GopherAgent

Sorry you are feeling so exhausted with dealing with this stuff. It is really hard work. Seems really an awareness problem ... even with less abstract problems than you talk about here. Last night I was cutting cheese for sandwiches we were making together and unBPDperson - let's call him Charlie - told me to stop because we had more than enough. To keep the peace, I did. Ten minutes later was the question why I hadn't cut more as there wasn't enough. Exhausting when this is repeated x times a day. However, I must say that it comes in phases, there are phases when things go pretty well and Charlie is friendly and co-operative.

Maybe the only thing worse than dealing with this kind of unawareness is suffering from it yourself... and having to hide it even from yourself.

There is no big picture or continuity. If they want to attack someone, and that in itself is often just proactive defense. They will use whatever works. If you have said or done something towards them and they perceive it as an attacking "tool", they will add it to their arsenal and reuse it.

The words or actions have no meaning or value in themselves, just the effectiveness at the effect they have.

You have to learn to stop attaching values to the words or actions used, only the emotions behind.