BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I have been receiving "unknown" calls on my caller ID during the past week or so.  I answer and say hello and like two seconds later they hang up.  Is this more than likely my ex?  It started out a one here and there, than one a week, now it is one every couple of days. 

I get a feeling when I answer that it is her but I have no idea.  Did anyone else get these types of calls?

thanks,

TC

Yep, I did recieve those two seconds calls, and only four people have my number of my landline... . I called three of them to check.if they called me with an anonymous number but they didnt. So, there was only one person left... .

The calls stopped since 1,5 week now, probably due to the new replacement aka former best friend.  :-)

Crazy stuff huh? Good luck. Change your number.

Perhaps it's best to not answer.  If it's important, they will leave a message.  

  I can't tell from your post.  Are you hoping to recycle?  If so, maybe the staying board is a better place for you.

No, I have allowed myself to recycle too many times. I am just hoping it all stops. I just got a text from her so I have a stronger feeling the unknown calls were her.  It has been almost 6 months since she broke up. Why won't she just go away?

Why won't she just go away?  Because you've allowed yourself to be recycled too many times.

Every feed a cat on your back porch for a week straight.  It will come back for months and howl for milk even if you've moved away.

I see you've been on the board for five years.  What have your learned about the Disorder and your ex that can help you to detach?

Hi Tincup,

Yup, it's her.  My ex tried to "Friend Request" me on Facebook after over a year of Silent Treatment from him.  I ignored it. He didn't like that - so I was blocked.

About a month or so after that - the "unknown" calls began. I have NEVER received them prior to this, other than one on my birthday back in October of last year (that was him, too - I'm sure!).  It seems to happen around events and or specific dates that would trigger him.

The latest one was just this past Tuesday. Two days before his 51st birthday. Never leaves a message. Perhaps just wants to make sure he still has some kind of "connection" to me? Don't know. It's tiresome.

Take care!

Tausk-You are right that it happens because we had recycled so many times.  I also got a text from her yesterday that said "I was just thinking about you, how are you?"

You also asked me a very good question regarding what I have learned about the disorder and detaching from my ex during my five years here.  I have learned a great deal about the disorder.  I remember doing an internet search with what was happening with her and I got all hits on BPD and Bipolar.  Once I think I am doing well at detaching, I mean RIGHT WHEN I THINK I HAVE IT DOWN, she will contact me.  It is like she has a probe in my head that can tell when I get to the point of peace in my life.

Right at this moment I feel it is me that has a disorder.  How can someone still have a draw on me after 6 months?  I don't want her back, I don't want to be friends with her, I don't want to see her, I don't want to hear about her, I don't want anything to do with her at all.  Yet I am STILL thinking about her.  I swear I know what a dope addict feels like right now.  This is freaking insane and I know it.  One little text sets me back MONTHS. 

So after five years on this board RIGHT now I feel like I do not have any tools in my belt to detach from her.  I know I am probably over reacting a bit, but I really need to pull my head out of my rear end.

Hi

My experience with it i  recognize feels like this... .

Feel like i became addicted to the push pull cycle.

Im sure it gave me some kind of chemical rush.  I would go iinto abandonment when he would withdraw and then get angry and tell myself i wanted out anyway then he would slowly come back and i would almost get a feeling of "high" again when he came back then it was all amazing again... . great makeup sex , bonding, closeness etc.  It would stay that way for a while and start again.  This time its different as he started again and i withdrew but he has not participated in his usual dance. He hasnt tried to contact now for two weeks and altho i changed my number and have not engaged the emails for over a month i am feeing the pain of withdrawals almost like an addict. It feels surely like an addiction for me. I withdrew and changed my number bcause i was not wanting to slip back into the same old pattern and he was going there again... . nasty texts... . baiting... then hearts... sex texts... then goodbyes... then ll always love yous... . im happy we are broken up... im doing well... . good lucks... . goodbyes... . blah blah blah... . i needed to stop being triggered but here i am wanting that again... . soo.noot healthy

Hang in there.  The moment will pass.  From what I read, you're safe, and the crisis is emotional and not physical.

So do yourself to breathe and be in the moment.   Why have not blocked texts?  Do you have children together?  Is there a reason to have contact after six months NC?  I ask because, the texts and calls are obviously still triggering you and it appears that you are still very vulnerable.

I know, I allowed myself to be recycled for three years until I was able to break it off. So I'm not judging, just providing ideas.  Are you seeing a T?

I learned and learned and learned about the Disorder for years and still do. But the detachment and freedom started when I moved out of the FOG and looked at my FOO issues. 

Can you examine the emotion being still being attached.  These are good discussions here and with a T.

Keep at it. It will come.