BPDFamily.com

I am having a hard time ... . The last couple of days since I found out that she moved in with the replacement after being with me 3 weeks ago has really screwed me up. The last 3 mornings I wake up ... . with my brain saying "please don't wake up yet" and it's too late ... like with 4-5 hours sleep... she pops right into my head ... her and the new guy ... . He has a big lake house and money... She always wanted a lake house or property with a pond. I can stop from having ruminations constantly running through my head ... even conversations of stuff that haven't happened. Like fantasy , and I hate this . I just want to clear my head ... . I went with my son and his girlfriend out yesterday and he even asked "you ok pops?" . I am just out of it ... I seek companionship all the time , just start crying for no reason . The relationship was toxic I know ... I lost my temper many of times ... I contributed to the bad ... . but I was not the one that cheated and lead a double life ... . I did not push/pull like she did me the many times in the last 2 months ... . I did not say "I love you more than anything " then ask me to leave 4 times in a month so she could talk to the other guy ... . I have a very good friend that knows us both ... she keeps telling me "she is living in a fantasy world" ... . she will F that relationship up ... . she said " of coarse she moved in with him" that way he can keep his finger on top of her ... she said , remember ... she told that guy you guys where done and he thought he had a girlfriend ... she was still seeing you ... and he found out ... do you think that just because she moved in with him that he all of a sudden gained trust of her ... . he will be miserable always wondering if she is cheating ... . I know these things ... . I know I should be lucky to "dodge a bullet" it's just the heart ache that has got me ... . All the "man of my dreams" "you are the only man I ever loved"  ... . she put me so hi on top of the mountain and then just kicked me off ... . I want to get right ... I have a life to live ... . I know this is not good to think ... . but it's not fair that she gets her "dream" and I should be the one saying ... Forget that crazy women... . she is no good ... . Her family is so happy for her ... don't they see ... I was having dinner with all of them 3 weeks ago... but no telling what she has told the family that I "did" ... . I am just going bonkers and I don't like it !

She also had this new job for about 4 months ... . she loved it and was going to move into the building ... beautiful view and everything... when we were talking ... . that was one of her things ... . I like my job and I want to keep it... we were 3 hrs long distant relationship ... . I guess she just quite that job... . the replacement lived 2.5 hrs away ... Or like my friend said... Maybe she got fired like the others and he came to the rescue ... .